Georgia Nicolson and the Goblet of PANTS!
by Rictusemprax
Summary: When Georgia Nicolson receives her late-term admission letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, her world is turned upside down - will she finally have to actually *gasp* grow up!
1. Good morning, BALTIMORE!

_**Just a quick note, this is set after Stop in The Name of Pants and the storyline should go along with that in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with a few little changes now and then! The main one being I made the characters in their fifth year rather than fourth. Anyway, Enjoy! Hopefully... maybe even, you know, leave us a review if you'd like. That'd be, um, nice. **_

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

**Sunday, September 18****th**

**7 am**

Bloody hell... I have been so rudely woken by my dear sister Libby, only to find her squeezing all life out of poor Gordy while jumping up and down on my botty. Gordy looks a tad miffed, which may be due to the fact his ears have somehow been tied in pigtails with what appears to be my new lippy is smudged all around his face. Lovely, I'm sure Angus will be thrilled to know his only son is on the turn... Which reminds me, I should go and see how he is coping in his bed of pain -

"GOOD MORNING BAAALLLLLTIMOOOOORE!"

"Yes, good morning Libby, wou-"

"EVERY DAY'S LIKE A BROKENNNN DOOOOOOOORRRRRRR"

Oh, that's right. The loon-in-training went to see that Hairspray musical with her "kindergarten group" yesterday. Jas was begging me to go, but being the mature and sophisticated woman (oo-er!) that I am, I of course refused.

**2 minutes later**

Turning over and snuggling my head back into the covers, much to Libby's dismay, I tried to push the whole kerfuffle of thoughts out of my stupid brain, which was of course protesting.

**30 seconds later**

Cor blimey, even my blithering brain is against me now!

**1 minute later**

Okay, Georgia, relax. It can't be that bad. After all, I can really only remember Masimo storming off into the shadows... no big deal, perhaps he had simply lost his handbag behind a bush and forgot to, you know, talk to me for the rest of the night. That doesn't mean he's angry with me! Just... preoccupied.

**30 seconds later**

Although that doesn't really explain why Dave stormed off in the other direction, muttering something of a rudey-dudey nature as he went.

**1 minute later**

I just went home with Jas! I claim no responsibility!

**10 minutes later**

Libby has resorted to pounding me with what sounds like Gordy from under my duvet. I suppose I'd better rise from my bed of pain before the poor thing requires back surgery.

**Downstairs**

**5 minutes later**

I am so vair, vair sick of boykind! Their actions leave me filled with confusiosity, and you know, I am a young and impressionable girl who cannot deal with the stress they place on her.

**1 minute later**

I think I will just ignore them completely! Yes, from now on, I am Georgia Nicolson - ignorer of boys.

**20 seconds later**

But not in a lezzie way, obviously.

**30 seconds later**

On the plus side, my new lifestyle choice means that no longer will there be any more red-bottomed incidents rearing their ugly head.

**1 minute later**

But then again, that would also mean no snogging...

**5 minutes later**

Bloody hell, my life is so difficult. Why does nothing make sense? I don't even understand how to deal with quadratic equations, how am I meant to deal wtih this?

Maybe I'll go and see if there is anything edible for brekky in our "fridge" to take my mind off the chaos that my life has become.

**Kitchen**

Hahahahahhahaha. Yes, I can definitely make a proper meal (which I need as a growing girl) out of a half-drunk can of beer, what looks to be mouldy carrot (half eaten, lovely) and an empty container of butter.

Why is there no food in this house? Is it that much to ask?

**4 minutes later**

I finally found a couple of weetabix and was tucking in to my _tres, tres _deliceux brekky, when Mutti came in with the post.

"Gee, there's a letter for you," she said, as she put it down on the table.

Oo-er.

"Who from?" I asked, dashing from the kitchen to the sitting room.

But alas, she had already dithered off somewhere. Probably to go and buy something edible.

**20 seconds later **

Oh, who am I kidding?

**1 minute later**

Anyway, I picked up the letter. The envelope looked a bit fancy, it was addressed to;

_Miss Georgia Nicolson_

_The room on the far left, upstairs_

_13 Park Avenue_

_Eastbourne_

Honestly, it looked like something out of those Harry Potter books, you know, the one with the prat and his glasses, who skips about shouting "LUMOS" and various other unspeakably naff things. It's probably something from the titches or maybe Nauseating P. Green, trying to be funny. Which they are not succeeding in doing, of course.

Anyway, opened the letter;

_Dear Miss Nicolson,_

_It is with much excitement that I announce you are one of the few late-term admissions to be invited to attend Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry during the next term, which commences on the 20th of September, 2007._

_I am aware that you are not aware of your magical nature, and unfortunately this notice is quite overdue. On behalf of the Ministry of Magic, I apologise profusely for not alerting you of this five years ago, but due to a large filing error in the Department of Muggle Communication, you and many other students' files were not processed correctly. You are rest assured that the employee responsible for this error has been dismissed from his job, and we are hoping this will not become an issue in the future.  
_

_Enclosed is your booklist for the next term, we advise you pre-order these books, due to such late notice. They will be delivered to your house dormitories as soon as possible._

_Remember that the train from Platform 9 ¾ departs from Kings Cross Station at 1 pm exactly on the 19th. Please be punctual, as no other trains run to Hogwarts after this time._

_Once again, we apologise for any inconveniences this late notice may have caused, but are looking forward to seeing you in the new term. I do believe you will have no difficulties catching up with all the magical skill learnt by students who have attended Hogwarts for the past 4 years, and will of course settle in fine. If you are ever uncertain, confused or worried about anything, feel free to come and see me in my office. I have an abundant supply of sherbert lemons and tea, and love a good chat. I look forward to meeting you soon!_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Professor Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Oh, my giddy-gods trousers. They can't be serious!

**2 minutes later**

I'm not a witch! I don't know how to wave a wand about and make bunnies and the like appear from no where. This is ridiculous!

"MUTTI!" I shouted,

**1 minute later**

Mum came into the room, looking a bit taken aback, "What is it, pet?"

"Come and look at this letter!"

Mutti read through it, and this she started laughing like a twit. I said, "What?"

Mutti looked at me and said, "Well, dear, this explains perfectly. I just never thought it would be you that inherited it!"

"What? Inherited what?"

"Oh, yes, Uncle Eddie's a wizard. Didn't you know that?"

"Why on earth would I?"

"Anyway, Gee, it'd be best if I went and sorted out the ordering form to get your books and wand and the like. It'll be rather exciting, won't it?"

I just looked at her.

"Oh, it'd be best if you read the box set of the Harry Potter books which I got you for Christmas... I think the third one just came out yesterday, actually. How exciting, I'll have to go out and buy it for you."

**30 seconds later**

Yes, of course, I will read this fictional book series and enjoy the tales of this little wizard before going off to join this fictional school of his! What a tremendous laugh it shall be!

**10 am**

Phone rang.

"Bonjour, National Center of the Vair Mad, Georgia speaking,"

"GEE! GEE!"

**10 seconds later**

It was Jas, because my day couldn't get any better.

"What do you want now?" I said.

"YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT?"

"You have finally realised that voles are not at all interesting?"

"Well... No, since, you know, they really are quite a fascinating species. You know, the other day me and Tom found this-"

"I'm sure we could disagree on that, mon pally."

"Oh, yes that's right. Let me get to my nub and gist!"

"Okay, get to it then!"

"Well, guess what?"

"You have lost all interest for all things muddy?"

"Don't be stupid, Georgia! Mud is the very soil which the world is built upon..."

"... Jas, just tell me"

"Okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay, BUT GUESS WHAT!"

"We've been through this, now tell me what! I have better things to do!"

"I seriously doubt that you have anything better to do, apart from maybe displaying your red bottom to the world."

"Jas, do you want me to kill you?"

"All right, sorry, now guess what!"

"JAS, JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS YOU CALLED ME FOR BEFORE I HANG UP ON YOU."

"Okay, okay, I'M GOING TO HOGWARTS!"

**5 seconds later**

You could practically hear her twitch with joy.

"Oh, fantastic, that means I'll be going with you as well." I said_, vis a vis_ a hint of sarcasticosity.

"What?"

"I got a letter as well."

"I can't believe you! I'm not lying, you know!"

"I know, neither am I."

She just hung up on me. How lovely.

**30 seconds later**

She called back, of course.

"Hello, Jas."

"Are you really going as well?"

"YES, JAS."

"Honestly?"

"YES, HONESTLY JAS."

Bloody hell.

**20 seconds later**

"Oh, well, then, I'll see you in London on the 19th."

"What?"

"We have to be at the station tomorrow! Didn't you read the letter?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Honestly, you would be lost without me."

"Yes, so very lost."

"Anyway, I have to go, me and Tom are going on a last ramble before he leaves for college tonight. Tatty bye."

**2 minutes later**

Yeah, whatever, stupid Jas... with her stupid boyfriend.

**11 am**

Oh well, I'd better start packing my bags. I have seen those book covers, and I am quite shocked to say that the Hogwarts uniform is even more ridiculous than that of Stalag 14's... Oh my god! No more stalag 14! That means no more Wet Lindsay, no more Hawkeye! No more Slim! Or Elvis! Or berets! No more Herr Kamyer, camping trips or maths!

HURRAH!

I have hyped myself up from excitement. I must listen to some mad dancing music in order to fill myself with calmosity. I would try some exercises from my yoga book but it appears Gordy has taken it to the airing cupboard again - I am afraid I would rather die than go in there again.

**2 minutes later**

Hmm, while away on my witch-ish rambles, perhaps I shall learn the new ways of the Viking Bison Disco Inferno Dance. "The Viking Bison Disco Witchish Inferno Dance Extravaganza" certainly has a vair nice ring to it.

**30 seconds later**

Perhaps I can add in,

"Mad wand waving to the right, stamp, stamp.

Mad wand waving to the left, stamp, stamp.

Twirl around while sending sparks around head

transfigure the person on your left into a bison!"

**30 seconds later**

I am certainly wanting to meet this Harry Potter bloke, if he is real, that is...

Which he isn't, of course.

**20 seconds later**

I suppose I will miss my other friends while I am at Hogwarts.

**2 minutes later**

And I will of course, miss my gorgey Italian Stallion. OH MY GIDDY GOD'S TROUSERS! THE ITALIAN STALLION WHICH I HAVE TO CALL!

**1 minute later**

**Sitting by the phone**

Wait... What if he still has the huff with me? Maybe I should wait until he calls me.

**10 minutes later**

Well, he hasn't called me yet.

**5 minutes later**

Maybe I'll call him.

**1 minute later**

No, actually. I won't.

**2 minutes later**

I will!

**10 minutes later**

Although, coming to think of it, it would sound _tres _desperadoes.

**4 minutes later**

Actually, maybe I will.

**30 seconds later**

I don't know. Should I?

**1 minute later**

I really don't know what to do. Come to think of it , I don't really know anything, as that is the smartness which I possess. i.e. Nothing at all whatsoever.

**2 minutes later**

But one thing I DO know is that the handbag Masimo had yesterday did not look fashionable, it looked slightly on the girly-side of the watsit... I remember Dave in particular would not stop going on about how girly he looked.

**10 seconds later**

Why is Dave the Laugh in my head?

GET OUT. I am not interested in Dave the Laugh because I have my gorgey Italian Stallion, who is of course my only-one-and-only.

**30 seconds later**

What does stupid Dave the Laugh know, anyway?

**5 minutes later**

Actually, his sunglasses looked a bit on the girly side as well.

**2 minutes later**

But then again, he is vair, vair gorgey.

**10 seconds later**

And we must not be forgetting his _tr_e_s_ _fantastique _lip nibbling techniques.

**30 seconds later**

Oh, wait, that was Dave the Laugh.

**1 minutes later**

Who, of course, I do not care about at all.

**30 seconds later**

Besides, he has his little ginger girlfriend.

**5 minutes later**

... Who is rather nice.

**2 minutes later**

Bugger.

**11.40am**

But putting all that aside, I really must get along with my packing. So far I have only packed about half of the make up supplies I will require while away for so long.

**1 hour later**

After searching the house for my favourite pair of ballet flats, I found them completely destroyed next to Angus. It appears that although he is restricted to his basket of pain, he has regained most of his destructive ways.

**30 seconds later**

Fantastic. He also destroyed my brand new jacket.

**10.30pm**

Spent the entire afternoon phoning people and telling them that I was going away to boarding school. They didn't really need to know where I was actually going, because I fear they may think I was a bit on the completely-insane side.

**5 minutes later**

I must say, I was vair scared by RoRo's good bye message, which does not need to be repeated here. I'm not completely sure what she said myself, but Sven said something in reindeer before going into what sounded like a slight dancing frenzy.

**3 minutes later**

Ellen dithered on for about 20 years before finally saying "Well, er, Gee... I guess that, er, I'll miss you a lot and er, something?" and would see me in the Chrimbo holidays.

And Dave actually didn't say anything, he just shouted "HOOOORN!" then hung up. God knows what goes around in his head, I know I certainly don't.

**4 minutes later**

God probably wouldn't know, either. In fact, I am guessing that God has already paid a visit to Dave's head and run screaming for his life.

**2 minutes later**

Oh, wait, no. God is supposed to be impotent or whatever Miss Wilson told us, so it could he could have run for her life, too.

What am I talking about? This is evidence that I am unfortunately dying from tirednosity and must take an urgent trip to _le_ boboland.

**Monday September 19****th**

**9.30 am**

Mutti came barging into my room, screaming,

"GEORGIA! WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO LEAVE FOR LONDON IN HALF AN HOUR OR WE WILL BE LATE!"

I can't really remember what happened next, but before I knew it Mutti was driving the clown car down to the tube station.

**10 am**

**On the Tube**

Well, we almost missed the train because I'd forgotten my oyster card. Mutti had to spend about 10 years flirting with the train-Elvis to let us have a ticket for half price, as my darling Mutti discovered she only had £1 in her purse.

**2 minutes later**

I just realised... I won't be seeing any of my other friends until Christmas! How will I live without RoRo and the Viking Disco Inferno Dance? I can't imagine all the wizard types would find it particularly amusing. Then there's Ellen and all her dithering.

**5 minutes later**

Bloody hell. I'm going to be spending every day with Jas. NO!

Oh no, hold onto your pants Georgia, there is still a tiny titch of hope left. There are 4 Hogwarts houses, arent there? Yes... I think that sounds right.

Maybe she'll be in Slytherin.

**20 seconds later**

Hahahahahaha, Jazzy Spazzy may have a few problems one of the Slytherin meanies sets her stuffed owls on fire.

**10 minutes later**

Although as much as I would hate to admit, I would be as lost as a wandering lost thing without my Jas by my side. Besides, it will be great having someone to be bluntly honest or remind me of my red bottomosity on a daily basis! Especially since I'm going to be in such an unfamiliar environment...

**2 minutes later**

Oo-er.

**11.30 am**

Oh, great, Mutti has fallen asleep on my shoulder. Am I in for an exciting train trip! Not to mention the dishy boy sitting across from me is staring at Mutti with a slightly terrified look.

I don't blame him, either.

**12.45pm**

**Off the train**

Bugger, bugger, pant, pant... Running along a station is vair impossible when you are carrying a large suitcase full of makeup supplies for 4 months.

**5 minutes later**

Pants! the train is leaving in 10 minutes.

**30 seconds later**

Okay, nearly there.

Mutti said,

"Oh bugger, I completely forgot! LIBBY!"

"What? Where is she?" I said.

"Still at Grandpas.. I said I'd get her at half past 12. I must dash, love."

She kissed my cheek, and after rambling on about how to "Stay out of trouble, dear, write every day!" and ran off back down to Platform 2.

Okay.

Now to find this 'Platform 9 and ¾!

**10 seconds later**

I'm at Platform 8 now.

**40 seconds later**

Ah yes, now I'm on platform 9.

**5 seconds later**

What in the name of pants? THERE IS NO PLATFORM 9 and ¾ IN SIGHT!

I know! I'll ask the train conductor.

**10 seconds later**

Oh, charming.

He said "You think you're funny, love? Bugger off."

**5 seconds later**

Although, I did accidentally say, "Excuse me, Mr-Fat-Controller-Sir"... But that is beside the point! Where am I supposed to go from here?

**20 seconds later**

If I miss this train I am going to kill Mutti.

**10 seconds later**

Oh, right, I can see all these gingers sprinting down the platform with suitcases. Maybe they're magical-types too.

I'll just follow them.

**10 seconds later**

Pants! One of them fell over but none of his family noticed. They're all running through a wall. What? Anyway, I went to go help the ginger up.

"Hi, are you all right?" I said, retrieving a rather midgetty owl in a cage a few metres away. It looked a bit like an owly-type prat poodle, and it was squeeking at me.

"SHUT UP, PIG!" He shouted at the owl, while trying to pick up all of his books, but dropping them.

"Are you a wizard, too?"

He looked up at me for a second. He was quite tall and had about 500 (and I mean it) freckles on his nose.

"Yeah, why? Oh, are you one of the new people Dumbledore was talking about at the end of last term?"

"Uh, I guess so." I said

"Well then, RUN, WE'RE GOING TO MISS THE TRAIN!"

He ran through the wall.

**10 seconds later**

What?

Oh well, I ran through with all my bags, too.

**10 minutes later**

**On the Hogwarts Express  
**

The ginger, who turned out to be called "Ron" (I ask you...) and I only just got on the train before it left. Ron was walking through the corridors looking into carriage windows. He said he was looking for his friends, and that I should follow him, so I did.

**5 minutes later**

I was looking at the different people in the carriages, first I saw some bloke who reminded me of a male Wet Lindsay, minus the thong and stupid hair extensions.

Ron turned around and said,

"Georgia, my friends are in this carriage, do you want to sit with us?"

"Yeah, I suppose. My friend Jas is supposed to be coming to Hogwarts too but I can find her later"

He slid open the door. Sitting on the seat to the right was a really skinny bloke with black scruffy hair and unspeakably naff round glasses on, actually he looked like -

"OH MY GIDDY-GOD'S TROUSERS... ARE YOU HARRY POTTER?"

**20 seconds later**

I had suddenly realised!

The guy turned and looked at me for a moment, then sighed and replied, "Yeah, who are you?"

"Me? Oh.. Um, I'm, er..."

I heard a familar fringey voice from behind me say, "Her name is Georgia."

Jas! She had just walked in with some girl whose hair appeared to have exploded. Explodey-hair-girl was now holding a wand and explaining all about it to her. Great, Jas has already found a vole-ish pal to spend time with.

**2 minutes later**

A rather roly-poly boy thundered into the compartment, asking nervously if he could join them.

**30 seconds later**

He sat down, then said (I am completely and utterly serious), "Hello! My name's Neville Longbottom!"

**5 minutes later**

I am still red from laughing. Neville Longbottom!

**1 minute later**

"So, Georgia," Harry said, "Are you looking forward to starting at Hogwarts?"

"I guess. But I'm going to miss-" I started to reply, but was interrupted by a rather loud exploding sound coming from right outside our door.

**10 seconds later**

"Ooh, crap. Sorry to bother you, wizardy chums... You see, I appear to have found myself in a bit of a situation which I cannot rid myself of," someone said as the door slid open.

It couldn't be!

It was.


	2. On the Hogwarts Express

**Thank you vair, vair much for all the reviews! **

* * *

**CHAPTER 2**

* * *

A dark haired bloke who, unfortunately, was also on the quite familiar (well, more familiar than I'd like to admit) side of the whatsit, strutted into the carriage. For some reason he had what looked like a mousey snout thing and a pair of rather long whiskers where his actual nose should be.

"DAVE?"

**10 seconds later**

I couldn't believe it... Why the in the name of pants was _he_ here? OUT OF ALL PEOPLE, DAVE THE STUPID LAUGH COMES TO HOGWARTS?

**5 seconds later  
**

Dave the sodding Laugh. Hogwarts. WHAT? WHY?

**10 seconds later**

"SEX KITTY!"

Dave promptly sat in between me and Ron, who was looking just a tad startled.

Nerdy girl said, "Oh, hello. My name is Hermione Granger. I believe someone may have badly transfigured your nose. Would you like me to fix it for you, I got an O in my charms exam at the end of last year, and-"

"Uh, yeah, that would be great."

We all watched Hermione wave her wandy thing about and make Dave's nose look relatively normal again. Maybe she can use another one of her little spells to shrink my own extremely large conk, I must remember to ask her...

"You may have to shave the whiskers yourself, though" Hermione said.

**2 minutes later**

Dave produced a little container from his bag and said, "Cupcakes for all!" before handing one out to Ron, Hermione, and Neville.

**20 seconds later**

He even offered one to a blonde girl sitting cross-legged in the corridor like some daft praying mantis while reading a magazine, but not one for me or Jas.

**3 minutes later**

Dave said, "Ooh! Before I forget..." and reached back into his container.

There we go, all is forgiven.

**10 seconds later**

"Here you are my Jasmine dear! I baked you a _special _one - it has a little icing tree on it and everything!"

**4 minutes later**

While looking as if she was on top of the world, Jas sat there, eating her muffin. Seriously.

**10 minutes later**

I am positively dying of boredom as David entertains my fellow "wizards" on the stories of life within the muggle community. Jas is, naturally, as useless as ever due to her being immersed in a _tres interessant_ conversation with Neville Bottompants (yes, that is his name) over the wide range of magical plants they will be exposed to during the year.

**5 minutes later**

"Talking plants! Can you believe that, Georgia?"

**10 seconds later**

Jas is in a strop because I wasn't paying attention to her for 5 seconds and was instead flicking through my new copy of Witch Weekly I bought from the trolley woman.

**2.30 pm**

Harry said "We're near Hogwarts, it would be best if we changed into our uniforms now."

Dave stood up and announced, "Oh yes, of course, now ladies, control yourselves" before ripping off his tee-shirt and reaching for his robes.

**2 minutes later**

Hermione _actually_ giggled. What a slag! Although, Dave isn't exactly the most unattractive of sorts when it comes to his chesty area... hmm...

**30 seconds later**

No! Georgia! This is a new start, even if it has been intruded on by certain elements of red bottomosity from your past! Contain yourself!

I stood up and said, "Jas, loos."

"B-but I was just about to hear about the qualities of the m-mimbulus mimb-"

"JAS."

She stood up, rolled her eyes and followed me out of the carriage.

**10 seconds later**

Bestie mate in the whole world, right there.

God help me.

**2 minutes later**

Also, If I am forced to wear a witch hat I may find myself in a suicidal-type situation, and that is _le_ fact.

**2.45pm**

**Getting changed in the Tarts' Wardrobe with Jas**

"Cor blimey, these uniforms are rather, well, terrible, aren't they?" I said, from over the cubicle

"Well, they're not that bad... They're quite suitable for a wizard school, don't you think? I can't believe this, it's so exciting..."

While she was rambling on, I carefully inspected my uniform. It was just the normal shirt, skirt and jumper but with the exception of this stupid robey thing I had to wear over the top and... Wait for it, A WITCHES HAT!

**5 minutes later**

This is even worse than having to wear the stupid school beret. Anyway, after I'd finished getting changed I applied some more natural make up, (concealer, a tiny bit of foundation, mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss) because the wizard boys were a bit dishier than I'd expected...

I saw a vair gorgey one, who was tall, with browny hair and he had a yellow crest on his jumper. I think that's Hufflepuff. Anyway, he smiled at me, but then from behind him some really slaggy looking asian girl came up from behind him and said,

"Oh, Cedric, let's go and see how Marietta and everyone are, I haven't seen them ALL holidays!" and she giggled off behind him.

I thought all was fine until she turned and glared at me. Lovely.

**3.00pm**

**Walking back from the loos**

Jas has suddenly developed a whitish tinge to her face, I hope she isn't turning into one of those sad emos who sit around crying all day when in fact nothing is wrong with their lives... well, apart from their tragic hair dye job.

**30 seconds later**

She said, "Gee... I was just thinking, have you read the Harry Potter books?"

"Well, of course I have you twit." I said.

She dithered on, "Well... You know... I was thinking that er, well,"

Had she turned into Ellen?

**10 seconds later**

"What, Jas?"

"Well, what if... You-Know-Who tries to kill Harry again like he did in the two that are out, and the third one but I haven't read that yet because I didn't have any time to buy it before I left, but anyway, what if he... you know, still doesn't like Harry?"

"So?"

"Well, if we are going to, you know, hang out with him and stuff, then doesn't that mean that, er, well, you know?"

"... What?"

"Well, we'll have to fight You-Know-Who as well, won't we!"

"Pants, I hadn't thought of that."

"I'm not so sure I want to be here anymore."

"Jas?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

**2 minutes later**

"Gee?"

"What?"

"Isn't Ron just dishy?"

I just looked at her.

"Jas. You have been away from Hunky for a day, and already you are letting your red bottom flow free and wild. It is vair unlike you."

"I know... But after I was eating my cupcake before, the strangest feeling came over me."

"What?"

"Well, isn't Ron just gorgey? I think I'm in love..."

**30 seconds later**

What? I ask you,

WHAT?

**10 minutes later**

**Back in the carriage**

Dave has been sitting, laughing to himself for the past 10 minutes and I don't really think that Harry and Ron's heated discussion on what happened at the Quidditch World Cup is the cause of it.

I said, "Dave?"

"Yes, Kitty?"

"Why has Jas been dithering around Ron for the past 10 minutes?"

"You know, I really don't know. Maybe she just enjoyed her cupcake a bit too much."

Then, he burst into another fit of laughter.

**30 seconds later**

What an earth has he done this time?

**1 minutes later**

I am going to find the cause of this.

**30 seconds later**

I dragged Dave out of the carriage and slammed the door behind me. Everyone looked vair taken aback as I looked back, anyway...

**1 minute later**

Now, to find out what has he done to make Jazzy-Spazzy even more so, er, spazzy!

**5 minutes later**

The nub and gist of Dave and I's conversation was that yes, indeedy, he put some kind of love potion into Jas's stupid tree muffin. He said he got it from Ron's older brothers. Bloody hell. What am I going to do? I can't let her throw herself at Ron all day...

**30 seconds later**

Well I could, but being the best friend that I am... I of course won't.

**10 seconds later**

"Dave, I am going to kill you."

"Relax, relax, and do not fear. The potion wears off within a few hours."

I still wasn't convinced, "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Well you'd better be, because if it doesn't I will kill you."

"You already said that, Kitty." Dave said in a slightly softer way.

**20 seconds later**

He looked at me with his big blue eyes, and started leaning in towards me. Oh god, it would appear my brain has switched off. Oh well.

**10 seconds later**

Dave sort of stopped, leaving me puckering there in anticipation! Can you bloody believe that? He stepped back and stared at me for a second.

**20 seconds later**

Stupid, stupid jelloid brain! You have let me travel into the forest of the big red bottom! Well, to be fair, my bottom didn't actually reveal itself... It was more of a rouge botty slip than an actual incident!

**10 seconds later**

Oh, pants!

I said quietly, "Dave, aren't you going out with Emma?"

He said, "Well, no, she dumped me yesterday... When I told her I was leaving to go to Hogwarts, and she said- well, she said..."

"I don't care what she said, Dave!"

"Why not?"

"Because, Dave, it's too complicated for me to worry about, and if I still have a chance with my Italian Stallion, I am going to take it!"

He just stood there.

**30 seconds later**

He's still standing here looking at me.

What am I even supposed to say?

"Look, I am sorry but I still have Masimo, who I have decided is my only-one-and-only!"

Bugger, bugger, bugger, he's still looking at me.

**1 minute later**

He looks really angry actually.

**30 seconds later**

Pants.

**1 minute later**

I started to say something, but then he turned all laugh-ish again.

He said, "Look, Sex Kitty, don't worry. You have your handbag horse, I get it."

And then he turned and went back into the carriage, but he slammed the door after him.

**3.30pm**

I don't know whether to go back into the carriage, or not. I think I was quite right in telling Dave to bugger off, but Masimo still hasn't called me.

**10 minutes later**

He did seem a bit miffed, actually.

**5 minutes later**

Perhaps I will go and sit in another carriage for awhile.

**15 minutes later**

Ooh! There's a carriage with only one person in it. It was the girl from before! She seemed to have moved off, then...

**2 minutes later**

I opened the door and said, "Oh, er, hi. Would you mind if I sat with you?"

She looked up, and she was wearing these glasses which were possibly the strangest things I have ever seen in my life - and yes, that is coming from someone who lives with my sister Libby.

**30 seconds later**

She said, "Oh, yes, if you want. But do be aware, I think this carriage may be infested with nargles. But I would suggest that you don't come in, because I'm afraid that you don't have any glasses to protect you from attacking your eyes. It may be a slight risk to your personal safety. If you come back in 10 minutes, I'm sure that they'll all be gone, though."

"Er, well the train is arriving at Hogwarts in 10 minutes so I'm sure there won't be any need for that. Thanks anyway!"

"Yes good bye, I'm Luna by the way."

**10 seconds later**

Well, yes, I'm quite sure that Luna is a complete and utter Luna-tic.

**2 minutes later**

I'll just entertain myself by staring through this window.

**5 minutes later**

My God, I can see Hogwarts now. It's ridiculously big... I think it may actually be larger than P. Green in the right light.

**30 minutes later**

**In the Great Hall**

It was vair nippy-noodles outside but now we're in this massive hall which has no roof, but Hermione won't shut up about it being "bewitched to look like the bright sky, haven't you read _Hogwarts, A History_, yet, Jas?"

**5 minutes later**

We were all lining up to sit down when some mad looking old woman came up to us and said,

"First years and new students, line up to be sorted into your houses now!"

She glared at me and walked off.

Great, it appears no matter where I go there is always going to be an equivalent of Hawkeye. Only she's EVEN older, and with a stupid hat.

**10 seconds later**

I wonder if she is aware that that hat does not portray sophisticosity at all, but rather it makes her look like a complete prat.

**15 minutes later**

The Sorting Hat thing was sitting on a chair and all of the people entering into form 5 had to line up first. That was Jas, Me, Dave, and about 15-20 other people I didn't see. Hawkeye (who I found out was called Professor McGonigal) said,

"TAYLOR, JASMINE."

Jas looked at me, nearly fainted and dithered up onto the platform.

**30 seconds later**

Erlack, that hat looks filthy, I didn't want to put it on my head!

**1 minute later**

The Hat opened its mouth and began talking in this vair strange voice,

"Ah yes. Let's see now, you love nature and are very interested in learning... You could potentially go into Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw... But as more of the studious type, I would say you would benefit more in RAVENCLAW!"

**10 seconds later**

My stomach did a little backflip. I had no idea what house I was going to be in, but I was quite sure I was no Ravenclaw!

**20 seconds later**

Jas looked rather pleased with herself and waved as she went off to sit at the blue-ish table. I noticed the girl Jas had sat next to was that stupid girl who glared at me on the train.

**30 seconds later**

She's started talking to Jas, but was now glaring over at me.

What have I done to her? Blimey.

**10 minutes later**

McGonigal was about to read out the next name on the list,

"BARNES, DAVID."

Dave winked at me and strode onto the stage. The Hat had barely touched his head before it said,

"GRYFFINDOR!"

He went and sat next to Ron's brothers. I have a feeling he's going to fit in fine here.

**30 seconds later**

Yeah, he's already made something explode.

**10 seconds later**

The Sorting Hat was still sorting people into houses when McGonigal called out,

"NICOLSON, GEORGIA."

**10 seconds later**

Bugger, and pants! What if I get into Slytherin or something rubbish like that?

**5 seconds later**

What if I get some incurable disease from the Sorting Hat that makes my hair go disgusting for life? Like permanent hat hair?

**5 seconds later**

... What if the hat says a mistake has been made and I have to go back to Stalag 14?

**10 seconds later**

**Walking onto the Stage**

It might open its mouth and go,

"Oh, it appears that there it nothing up here, I'm terribly sorry but I'm afraid you are just too dim for this fine wizarding academy. Please, pack your bags."

**5 seconds later**

**About to Sit on the Stool**

Pants!

Pants!

PAAAANTS!

**10 seconds later**

**Still Sitting on the Stool Thing**

Pants and buggerations... This thing is about to be put on my head. Erlack, erlack! It is vair pingy-pongoes... Isn't it about a thousand years old or something?

**5 seconds later**

The stupid Hat (which was messing up my hair as we speak, well, err, think) began talking,

"Hmmmm... You show a remarkable amount of chivalry. Yes, definitely, it will pay off in the long run. GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindor table cheered and I went and sat next to Dave and Hermione, who was glaring at me, like an err, glaring thing, for some reason. Why does everyone glare at me at this school?

**3 minutes later**

Anyway, so then some fellow who Hermione said was "Dumbledore, he's the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Surely you would know that by now," came up to the platform where the Sorting Hat had just been moved off and began some speech thing.

I was just about to say that I did know who Dumbledore was, I just didn't realise he was so amazingly old, but Hermione had focused herself in his direction by now.

**8.00pm**

I wasn't listening to his speech, but then Dave nudged me so I looked up,

**2 minutes later**

"And the Triwizard tournament is a great chance for everyone to get to know people of other schools around Europe. We will be having _Beauxbatons _and _Durmstrang School_ join us in a few minutes. In the mean time I would just like to ..."

**1 minute later**

Hermione was rambling on about what the Triwizard tournament was to Dave, but I didn't really care.

**30 seconds later**

I heard Ron say to Harry, "Damn, if I was 17 I could've put my name in that Goblet..."

but Harry said, "Ron, you know it's dangerous. Why would you want to do that?"

Then Ron mumbled something and looked over at Hermione. Oo-er, do I sense something going on? All the more reason to make sure Jas doesn't interfere with anything... I must keep a close eye on any cupcakes she eats in the near future.

**1 minute later**

Then Dumbledore started rambling again. Fantastic.

**5 minutes later**

"Now everyone, please warmly welcome _Beauxbatons_, from France"

All these blonde girls in blue uniforms started skipping in, followed by an assortment of rather gorgey boys, also in blue.

Dave said, "Phwooaar!" which prompted a noddy reply from Ron and Harry, who were all ogling at them as they skipped past. Hermione, who was glaring at me had now fixed her gaze upon the main one in the very front.

**3 minutes later**

"And Durmstrang School, all the way from Bulgaria!" Dumbledore said.

By now the frenchies had taken a seat, and all these really creepy tall guys walked in.

They were holding staff-type wotsits and had furry hats on. Oo-er, I wonder what Roro would do if she knew I was surrounded by Viking types?

Some of them were rather dishy in a Nordic sort of way, or wherever Bulgaria is.

**1 minute later**

Actually, it could be possible that Sven is a Bulgarian-type person. Some of them look slightly like him, but none were wearing any light up flares, _quelle dommage!_ Harry nudged me because Dumbledore had started rambling again,

"Now, remember that the Goblet of Fire will be in the Great Hall for all of this week, so if you feel you are ready to enter this competition, feel free to put your name in. But, remember, there is an age limit – you MUST be over 17."

**10 minutes later**

Fred and George going on about aging potions, which they are offering to sell to Dave and Ron... If that means they are thinking of using magic rubbish to enter I may have to strangle them.

**1 minute later**

I must say, I am getting vair vair sick of all this magical business. Speaking of which, what in the name of pants am I going to do when we have all these magic lessons?

**8.30pm**

Jas is still talking to that slaggy girl from the train. I am _tres_ worried that she may becoming friendly-types with her. We cannot have that, as she seems to be not on the nicey-nice side, if you get my nub and gist.

**20 seconds later**

Which I think you do.

**10 minutes later**

Still talking to her, and she hasn't even looked at me. Is she not supposed to be my bestest-pally? First the Ron business, now this. I feel myself going slightly balisticissimus.

**5 minutes later**

STILL talking to her. I may have to make her jealous. Stupid fringey.

**10 seconds later**

Oh, now she's fiddling with it because some boy sitting next to Annoying-Girl has started talking to her. Grr.

**5 minutes later**

"Gee, are you all right?" Dave said.

"Er, yes... I'm as all right as a pair of all right things on the train to all right land stopping at the vair happy station as we speak.. Going off to meet their equally all right friends and then..."

Shut uuup, brain.

**20 minutes later**

**Gryffindor Common Room**

What fresh hell? There was this painting of some woman who was not exactly slim... In fact, she was vair pudgy. Anyway, Fat Woman glared at me and Dave and said that we could not come in unless we knew the password.

**2 minutes later**

Amazingly, the password was not, "Oy, let us in!" which caused the fat woman to lecture us about respecting paintings for about 10 years before Harry came up behind us and said, "Balderdash."

To which the woman smiled and swung open.

**1 minute later**

How is that more polite than "Oy, let us in"?

**10 minutes later**

Honestly, I am so vair, vair tired. I think I may go upstairs and have a snooze.

**1 minute later**

What? The most bizarre of bizarre-y things just happened.

**20 seconds later**

I tried walking up one of the staircases, but they suddenly turned into a slide type thing.

Apparently this was vair funny and Ron said, "Gee, that's the boys dorms."

Because, you know, it was so obvious.

**10 pm**

**Bed**

Gadzooks. I get to share a room with Miss "haven't you read Hogwarts, A History?" This ought to be oh so terribly fun. I amuse myself with my humor in even the darkest times.

**5 minutes later**

I nearly made my wand explode trying to make it light up so I could get ready for bed. Hermione had a field day when she found out I couldn't do any magic, and wanted to teach me,

"Well, you see, first you take the wand in your hand,"

No, I didn't know THAT.

"And then you swish, and flick, and say Lumos!"

My wand lit up. Oo-er.

**10 minutes later**

All right, I must bid thee farewell as I must really have a bit of a snooze.

Pip, pip.

**Tuesday, September 20****th**

**6.30 am**

Lovely. I was woken up by Dave setting off some of those fire cracker things Fred and George invented. How the hell did he even get into our room?

**5 minutes later**

Cor blimey, Hermione's hair is vair scary in the morning. Even more so than usual, actually. It looks as if Angus has been nesting in it and left a few things there.

**2 minutes later**

I shall have to help her with that in return for her wand-flicking help, because I am filled with niceosity. I should be made a saint.

**1 minute later**

"Saint Georgia the Mad".

Has a nice ring to it.

**7.30 am**

**Breakfast**

Aww, the prat poodle-ish owl I had seen at Kings Cross flew into Ron's head this morning. Ron keeps calling it "Pig," and I am vair scared.

**2 minutes later**

I think Mutti ordered me an owly-type thing too. I'm sure Jas will be thrilled when she gets one, mind you, if I were the owl I would be vair worried, as Jazzy-Spazzy may decide to stuff it and add it to her collection.

**1 minute later**

Where is Jas, anyway?

**3 minutes later**

Jas came in with Annoying-Girl. I waved to her and she came over and said, "Oh, hi, Gee."

I said, "Morning, Po. Who's your friend?"

Jas looked rather aggers and said, "Don't call me that. This is er, Cho."

Cho said, "Lovely to meet you."

**20 seconds later**

Hahahahahaha, yes I'm sure she was.

She said, "Anyway, I must be off. Bye, Gee."

**10 seconds later**

Po sauntered off with Cho.

**1 minute later**

What's gotten into her knickers?

**5 minutes later**

**Assembly**

Turns out I'm in a class with Hermione and Dave, first. Apparently the lesson is on "Care of Magical Creatures", then after that we have Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms. Dave and Ron have been arguing for a billion years about how they're going to put their names in the Goblet of Whatsits.

**8.30am**

**Care of Magical Creatures**

Gadzooks! Turns out that the Hagrid guy is actually vair real... And vair tall also. He is rather scary, but in a nice way. It is good to see that he is not nearly as much of a sadist that good old Mr Atwood was. How I will miss his memory.

Not.

**10 minutes later**

Anyway, so Hagrid (who is taking a sudden liking to Dave... Probably because he's been setting off dungbombs at Slytherins all morning) was rambling on about how to feed these things called Nifflers when one of them attacked some complete prat who looks lot like Wet Lindsay, except a boy.

**5 minutes later**

Harry told me his name was Malfoy and that they were enemy-types and I should stay away from him, which was a tad difficult after I had a slight spaz-laughing attack and he almost jinxed me, but Dave blocked it.

God knows how he can already do all these spell things already.

**30 seconds later**

I can barely manage a measly "Lumos".

**1 minute later**

_Merde_ and _tres_ bugger... I must get my act together if I'm going to get better at magicosity.

**5 minutes later**

If Dave the stupid Laugh can do it, then so can I.

**1 minute later**

Probably.

**4.30pm**

**Common Room**

Well, today after Care of Magical Creatures we had Potions with some other prat called Snape, who seemed to be in love with Mr. Man Lindsay, and kept yelling at Hermione for helping me with my potion for pants sake!

Then, after I'd finally gotten my potion to the right colour, Dave came up behind me and dropped a bloody dungbomb in there. You can imagine the result. I want to kill him and make him eat his stupid dungbombs.

Then there was charms. Basically, we reviewed some spell which made you lift things up. Vair useful for lifting things up and dropping them on people's (i.e. Dave's) head. Not too great when they realise it was you, though. Still, I had a vair fun time dropping various classroom objects on Ron until he turned around, which then almost caused a fisticuffs at dawn fandango, since he saw me do it.

**7.00pm**

**Great Hall**

Judging from conversation on the other (loony) side of the table, it would appear that Dave actually managed to put his name in the Goblet.

**1 minute later**

He is so vair stupid, although, he's also vair good at the spell rubbish- considering he's only been at Hogwarts for a day. It would be _tres _hilarious and double funny with knobs if he actually DID get into the tournament.

**30 seconds later**

Which he won't. Because the Goblet of whatever you call it... Fire. Although in my opinion Pants sounds more interesting, I mean what kind of a name is The Goblet of Fire? Pants is much more appealing, creative and less obvious.

**1 minute later**

Anyway, back to my nub and gist. Ah yes, Dumbledore drew some age line type fandango, and since Dave and his newest little leprechaun-a-go-gonese pally, Seamus seem to think that even though they are 15 they will pass over the line.

Hermione told me that you have to be 17 to get in. But still, would be vair _amusant_ if he did get in, especially if a dragon or something set his hair on fire. Or if dragons were actually real.

Shut up, brain.

**3 minutes later**

Oo-er, Hermione just told me dragons ARE real. Maybe the incident of the hair-being-set-on-fire is not as unlikely as it may seem to those who are slightly sane. It appears I'm going to be abandoning all my previous thoughts on sanity before too long...

**9.30pm**

**Bed**

I still can't really believe what is happening. I can honestly say these have been the most unusual days of my life!

**20 seconds later**

And that is saying A LOT.

Tatty bye for now, _mes cheries!_


	3. Ferrets and Detention

**Friday, 23****rd**** September**

**7.30pm**

Well, I think it is quite safe to say that this was definitely one of the strangest weeks of my life – and yes, this is coming from a girl that formerly lived in a mad house filled with loons of the first water. It was also double cool with knobs, well apart from the constant need to dodge spells Dave fired at everyone in sight, I can now officially say I am a witch, with tip top... err.. witching-type skill things. Hurrah!

**5 minutes later**

Its been a bit weird though, Jas has been ignoring me. We only have two classes together – Potions, and Herbology. Basically, in English a more appropriate name would be "A Vair Sad Subject Where the Twig Obsessed and Those Full Of Much Naff-ness Play With Plants."

**1 minutes later**

Well, they are slightly magical. I think. One screamed at me today, which in itself was quite strange.

**5 minutes later**

Anyway, so she was flicking her fringe around and charming the screaming plants with her newest bestest pal, Cho all lesson. She only looked at me once!

I didn't have time to go and give her a duffing up though, because Dave tipped soil down the back of my shirt and we both got yelled at for about twenty years by Professor Sprout.

**30 seconds later**

Yes, that is her name.

**10 seconds later**

And no, I am not kidding.

**1 minute later**

Honestly.

**2 minutes later**

I swear, every teacher here hates us! But, I must say, Hogwarts is a lot better than good old Stalag 14. I wonder how RoRo and the gang are all doing?

**30 seconds later**

Probably as insane as ever. I should remember to write to RoRo about the many Sven-lookalikes that are in visiting from err, Surmdrang or something stupid sounding like that.

**8.00pm**

I tried to teach Hermione the Viking Bison Disco Inferno dance, paddles and all... She just got slightly scared but then showed me how to transfigure my forehead so I had REAL bison horns!

**1 minute later**

Vair funny.

**10 minutes later**

That is, until I realised that the Viking Bison Horns would not come OFF.

PANTS and eternal buggerations... Ron said he'd take me to the nurse woman.

**5 minutes later**

**Walking through the Corridors**

Oo-er, Hogwarts is vair spooky at night. It reminds me of those naff haunted houses you went to as an insane young one... except, well, real. I wonder if they have a dungeon here?

**2 minutes later**

Oh yes, that's right, they do. They have a Chamber of Wotsits with a snakey that eats everyone too.

**30 seconds later**

Ron said, "So, how are you liking Hogwarts so far?"

I thought for a bit.

**1 minute later**

"Well it's all right, but I'm really worried about my friend Jas. She won't talk to me, and she's started hanging out with some tart from Ravenclaw all the time!"

He said, "Oh, who is it? I might know her."

I said, "I think her name's Mo, or Cho, or something."

Ron started having having a nervy-b when I mentioned her name.

"What?"

He was still spluttering, "Hahahaha... Oh, nothing, just that you could say Harry is quite, er, friendly with her."

"What, they're going out?"

"... He wishes."

"Oo-er..."

**5 minutes later**

Nurse woman fixed up my bison-horn-fandango quite well, but the potion tasted even worse than Mutti's cooking... And THAT'S saying something.

**10 minutes later**

**Back in the Common Room**

Ron and I returned to find Dave and Seamus sitting on a broomstick thing about 2 metres over where Harry was sitting, dropping dung bombs. Go figure. Harry was lazily waving his wandy and blocking them all. Dave and Seamus were rather frustrated-looking, but after awhile they gave up and have now started annoying Hermione, instead.

**10 seconds later**

Phwoar, vair bad move... Hermione jinxed Seamus so he couldn't stop dancing some leprechaun-a-gogo-nese jiggy thing like a complete loon...

**5 seconds later**

And, then she Dave's hair set on fire.

**1 minute later**

Hahahahahaha.

**11.00pm**

**Dormitory**

Oh my giddy-God's trousers! I swear, it is impossible to get any sleep in this loon house because Dave the bloody Laugh keeps setting up traps everywhere in this room. I was just drifting off to boboland when I heard an small explosion coming from downstairs.

**2 minutes later**

It was Seamus and Dave again, with their usual assortment of dung bombs and the like.

I must remember to murder them when I have the chance.

**Sunday September 25****th**

**6 pm**

**Dinner**

Dumbledore announced he'd pull out peoples names from the Goblet of Pants, and that they would perform in "tests which would test even the most capable witch or wizard's abilities, and will strengthen both their skills in magic and bravery"

**1 minute later**

So, first out came one of the ditzy frog girls. She started saying "_Alors! Merci, merci beaucoup! J'ai la bonne chance! Merci!" _at everyone for about ten years before walking through the door. Then, one of the blokes from Viking-a-go-go land came up and also walked through the door.

**2 minutes later**

Finally, Dumbledore came to tell us all who the champion-type for Hogwarts was going to be.

Everyone who had put their names in started looking all noble (i.e. Prat-ish) when a piece of paper floated out of the Goblet.

**10 seconds later**

"And the champion for Hogwarts is... Cedric Diggory!"

Then, the dishy boy from the train stood up and walked through the door. From what I can gather, I think he's going out with that Cho girl, since Ron pointed out that Harry was now going bright red and glaring at him.

**20 minutes later**

After rambling on for another year or so, Dumbledore sat down and has let the students talk again.

**5 minutes later**

Oo-er, the Goblet's started puffing smoke again!

**30 seconds later**

... Luna Lunatic stood up and started yelling about how "IT'S THE NARGLES! THEY'VE DEFINITELY INFESTED IT! YOU SHOULD ADD SOME ESSENCE OF GINGER TO CALM THEM DOWN!"

And I thought I lived with lunatics before…

**1 minute later**

But then, Dumbledore stood up and went over to it.

**20 seconds later**

This other bit of paper floated out (?)

**1 minute later**

Dumbledore said, "Harry Potter."

**20 seconds later**

WHAT?

**30 minutes later**

Okay, so the nub and gist of the situation is for some reason Harry's name came out of the Goblet AS WELL. He said he didn't enter, and now Ron is now _ignorez-vousing_ Harry like a right twat.

**5 minutes later**

Hermione doesn't know why and got out some book from her bag (who brings books to dinner, I ask you!) and started reciting some rubbish about how there had always been "Only 3 champions allowed into the tournament at any time!" and blah blah blah.

**1 minute later**

I must say, she still isn't getting on my nerves as much as bloody Jas. She hasn't spoken to me all weekend!

**30 seconds later**

It's not as if I even care, because as everyone knows it is simply her own tragic loss.

**5 seconds later**

But why does she have to hang around with slaggy Cho so much…

**10 seconds later**

Maybe Jas has just discovered that she is in fact a lezzie…

**3 seconds later**

…and Cho is too.

**2 seconds later**

Ooo-er… Ceddy wont be too happy about that…

I must devise a plan to make him notice me

**5 seconds later**

He can be my Wizard Wonder-Hunk!

**30 seconds later**

No, Georgia. No.

**5 minutes later**

But seriously, I really miss her!

**Tuesday September 27****th**

**8 pm**

The strangest thing happened today. We were lining up for our first muggle studies class, and a woman walked past who was actually quite familiar looking.

Everyone said hello to her and I realised that it was J. K. Rowling! Oo-er!

Apparently shes a squib (non-magical folk from magical families i.e, the sane ones) and shes writing her books to warn all the muggles about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Voldy-mort).

**2 minutes later**

I am, to say in the least...

**30 seconds later**

Er, shocked.

**1 minute later**

The other classes have been quite a laugh... Our teachers all have the strangest names, but the strangest one of all (it must be said) is Mad-Eye Whatsit. He has this eye which managed to see I was reading WonderWitch magazine again from underneath my desk!

**Saturday October 6****th**

**1.30 pm**

Oh yes, I almost forgot about that extremely sad game they play in the books... What's it called? Quidditch I think. Anyway, so Dave tried out for the goalie or something and is now playing with Harry at the Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor match next Sunday. He's been flying his bloody broom around the school all day.

**10 minutes later**

For which he now has a detention from McGonigal. Oh, and I found out that he'd been getting into my dormitory by flying his stupid broom up the stairs.

**2.00pm**

Thank God, Hermione put some blocking charm on the door, so if he does do it again... Well... You don't want to know, and that is _le_ fact.

**5 minutes later**

Oh, that reminds me! Masimo sent me a letter at breakfast! God knows how he managed to send an owl, because my new owl (who I so creatively named Owlie) is a bit on the vicious side. He attacked my innocent hand when I tried to get the roll of paper off him this morning.

**1 hour later**

I still haven't opened it... Mostly because Dave was asking what my girlfriend wanted and I felt that I needed the proper privacy before I read my message from my lurrrve god.

It said,

_Georgia,_

_I am ver sory to hav to do this by a bird, but I think I shoud right at you that I am now... The boyfriend for Lindsay, yes?_

_I hope we still are friend. Agan, I ver sory._

_But, you have your Laugh, no?_

_Masimo_

**4.00pm**

**Chamber of pain**

Well, I spent the afternoon blubbing about Masimo, because we had a free period. Hermione was really quite nice about all of it.

She said, "Well, it's all right.. To be honest, I think that you're better off without him. He sounds like a right prat."

"Really, why, exactly?"

"Well... For starters he CANNOT spell properly, and secondly, because I don't think you even like him that much."

What? Has she not noticed I have been crying all afternoon?

"Hermione, you do realise that he is italian and therefore not normal."

"Yes, but still, that is no excuse for bad spelling."

Oh, well... What did I expect?

**5 minutes later**

Oh for pants sake. Hermione's so annoying.

And thick.

**10 minutes later**

So I was blubbing about Masimo when she says,

"I thought you liked David, anyway?"

"NO! ... I mean no... we are just friends" I said with as much calmnosity as I could manage.

"What made you think that?" I asked.

"Well on the train…I mean I wasn't looking exactly… I was just… coming back from the loos… and I saw you and David…"

"WHAT? Oh, er, no... That must have been someone else.." I said

Oh, Giddy-Gods pants. She doesn't believe me.

**30 seconds later**

Maybe that is because I am lying.

**1 minute later**

But still.

Now the whole schools going to think I like Dave.

**2 minutes later**

And I wish she'd stop calling him David.

**20 minutes later**

**Down in the common room**

For pants sake, Ron is no longer_ ignorez-_vousing Harry, and has now moved up to the Full Humpty Dumpty. This is just getting ridiculous.

**7.00pm**

**Dinner**

I've listened to Ron explain on at me for about 20 years about why Harry is obsessed with himself and being famous. If I hear Ron say "I can't believe he didn't tell me how to enter his name in the Goblet of Fire! Do you really think it's that hard to share the fame for once?" ONE MORE TIME then I may be forced to kill myself.

**2 minutes later**

And that is _le_ fact.

**Wednesday October 10****th**

**11.30 am **

**Potions**

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TEACHERS HERE? I was just walking into potions class with Hermione, when stupid Snape started yelling at all the Gryffindors because two of us were half a minute late, and then he took off 10 points off our house! I ask you!

**15 minutes later**

Oh, _fantastique._ This potions lesson, Jas has decided that we are no longer friends. I tried talking to her again after dinner, but I think it's rather obvious that it didn't help in the slightest (i.e. Not at all).

**1 minute later**

Snape (or Severus Snakey as Dave calls him) has started yelling at us again, this time to make some daft potion... Thank god I have Hermione as my potions partner!

**20 seconds later**

Hermione was just sitting there chopping her bits of boomslang skin into quarters while I tried comprehending the instructions in _Advanced Potion Making_ when Lindsay-Man walked past and "accidentally" knocked our cauldron over!

**5 minutes later**

Poor Hermione! She had to be carted off to the hospital wing by Ron because the half-done fire-repelling potion set her hair on fire!

Snakey slithered up to me and said, "I still expect a complete potion by the end of this lesson, Miss Nicolson. There will be no picking of favourites in this class."

**10 minutes later**

Yeah, sure, which is why Malfoy didn't get as much as 5 points taken off him! This is ridiculous!

**2 minutes later**

Lindsay-Man strutted past again, and I was just about to do something when Harry turned around and shook his head frantically.

**3 minutes later**

Oh well, I suppose I am better than any skinny-legged, forehead-less man slags!

**10 minutes later**

Jas and I are both lined up to get ingredients from the cupboard, except it appears that there's only one toenail of green tree frog (or whatever it is) left.

**2 minutes later**

Jas said, "Georgia, I think I should have it."

So I said, "Oh really, and why is that Fringey?"

She opened her mouth to say something, when stupid Man Lindsay came up to us.

**10 seconds later**

He said, "Oh hello, ladies, I'm afraid that you're going to have to hand that over to me,"

I do hope he was not serious!

**30 seconds later**

Well, he obviously was, because he is still standing here, glaring at Jas. Which is vair annoying.  
Stupid greasy-haired twat

**20 seconds later**

Malfoy, not Jas.

**20 seconds later**

Jas said, "Well, I am sorry. I was here first."

WHAT? I was here first, and she knows it!

**10 minutes later**

FOR PANTS SAKE!

Harry, Dave and me just landed ourselves a bloody detention, on Friday night! Snape said Hermione would be receiving one too, even though she wasn't there! Harry didn't do anything, either.

**2 minutes later**

Oh, bugger. This is vair bad, especially for Harry – it's the night before the first task of the TriWhatsit Tournament!

**5 minutes later**

Harry said this, but Snakey just told him that unless he wanted another detention, he would be wise to keep his mouth shut.

Just lovely.

**2 minutes later**

The reason I got it? Well, I was just innocently arguing with Jas about who got the frog toenail, when Wet Lindsay Boy got a tad frustrated, and decided to hex Jas from behind, so she froze on the spot – fringe and all. At first I thought hed killed her, though that would not be such a tragedy considering her lack of best pally-ness recently. Still, I screamed when she wouldn't move. Then, he turned into this little teacher's pet and told Snakey that out of all people IT WAS ME that did it. Jas didn't see, so she still thinks I did it.

**1 minute later**

I ask you, just because she has decided she is no longer my bestest pally does not mean I would sink to that level!

**30 seconds later**

Anyway, so then Dave decided to jump in, and transfigured Man Lindsay so that he turned into a white ferret! I think it's the second time this week, because apparently Professor Mad-Eye already did the same thing to poor Man Lindsay on Monday.

**1 minute later**

So, then Severus Snakey went absolutely ballisticissimus and because he saw Harry behind Dave and me, that meant he was also involved. Bugger.

**5 seconds later**

Dave can be rather nice really. When he wants to be... that is.

**Friday, October 12****th**

**3.00pm**

Oh, _fantastique, _I've just remembered that i have to go to that stupid detention after dinner instead of going to the lake with Ron, Dean and Seamus! Snape said that we will be helping Filch and his stupid cat (who is nowhere near as bonkers as _mon_ furry pal, Angus) to clean up the library. Oh what fun it will be.

**2 minutes later**

I am almost bursting from excitement already.

Not.

**6.30pm**

**Dinner**

Harry is sitting by himself having a slight nervy-b, because of the task tomorrow. He said, for the task he is being forced to take an egg from a dragon while flying on a broom... Because that is not dangerous at all.

**5 minutes later**

Apparently, Dave throwing a million baked potatoes at the back of Ferret Boy's head is his most productive way of helping Harry prepare.

Then Filch came in, and dragged us all out to the door. Because no, he couldn't have said something slightly more human, such as, "Good morrow Miss Nicolson and friends, please, allow yourselves to be escorted outside so we may begin the many unjust forms of torture you will be put through tonight, which of course were placed upon you unfairly."

**1 minute later**

I swear, I get treated so terribly in this place.

**7.00 pm**

Well Filchy just spent a year and a half telling us all about how we have to sort the completely boring books into their even MORE boring shelves. This is definitely going to be a hoot.

**7.30pm**

Filch just walked off, because a teacher (oh, I mean TORTURER) came running in, to tell him about another set of dung bombs which were set off outside the Slytherin common room. Ha.

**8.00pm**

I must say, I think this is the most boring thing I have ever been forced to do in my life - and yes, that does include the many trips Vati has decided we should take to "enjoy the splendours of nature".

**5 minutes later**

Harry's fallen asleep on a pile of books. Great.

**2 minutes later**

Hermione won't let me talk to her either, because she's studying different broomstick techniques to help Harry.

**10 minutes later**

I tried braiding her charred hair, but there really wasn't much that could be done for it. Poor girl.

**5 minutes later**

Aha! Dave is sitting in the corner of the library. I'll just talk to him.

**2 minutes later**

I said to Dave, who was putting some sticking charm on all of the books,

"So, how's everything going?"

Actually, he doesn't seem to have forgotten about the train incident, because he's been acting a bit strangely towards me since then.

"Oh, fine, just fine. You know Lavender Brown?

Yes, of course I know Lavender Brown. She is possibly the most irritating person I have ever had the pleasure to spend time with.

**30 seconds later**

"Yes... I know her." I said, with much maturiosity.

"Oh ok, well she asked me to go to Hogsmeade with her on the weekend."

**10 seconds later**

WHAT?

**5 seconds later**

I am overcome by shock.

**30 seconds later**

But of course, I was still retaining my sophisticosity and coolness and just smiled back at him.

**15 seconds later**

Not that I care anyway… He can do what he likes

**10 seconds later**

Anyway, I was think of getting a new hunky wizard-y boyfriend. That Cedric seems nice.

But that Cho really is a Wet Lindsay, she even won't let me smile at him for gods sake.

I miss my handbag horse.

**2 seconds later**

Er, I mean Italian Stallion.

**1 minute later**

Dave seems to be able to read my mind, as he said, "How's the handbag horse?"

"Oh.. uh.. well... He... sort of... er... dumped me for Wet Lindsay."

Dave looked almost delighted.

Lovely.

**3 minutes later**

He said, "You know, I didn't say yes."

"What?"

"To Lavender. I think she's a bit annoying."

... Right

**10 minutes later**

I was forced to go to the other side of the library to sort out the Herbology section. I don't know what I'll do if I ever have to sort "The Complete Collection of the Different Species and Life Cycle of the Mandrake" into order (by the 17 editions) again.

**30 minutes later**

I can see a light by the doorway... It's not Filch because he went off in the other direction. I wonder who on earth would bother walking around the library out of choice?

**10.30pm**

The light's still there. I think it's a teacher, but I don't know. Maybe I'll go over and see who it is.

**2 minutes later**

I am creeping behind the bookshelf as if I was the 007 of the witchy-witch world.

**5 minutes later**

Oo-er. It's Professor Mad-Eye... He's looking through the books in the restricted section.

**1 minute later**

Why can't he just come to the library during the day?

**30 seconds later**

Oh, pants! He's looking over in my direction.

**5 minutes later**

I have nearly killed myself from hiding under a pile of books and a table. I think he's gone by now so it would be safe to get out of my little hiding spot.

**2 minutes later**

I'm just walking back to where Harry and Hermione are. I may as well, since it's not as if Dave is in a particularly talkative mood.

**1 minutes later**

What on earth? I can see an all-too-familiar looking Fringey One up ahead in the Potions section. WHY IS SHE HERE?

**30 seconds later**

I whispered, "Jas?"

She looked back all quick-ish and then ran over to me. Oh, so maybe she doesn't hate me anymore.

I said, "Jas, WHY have you ignored me for the past few weeks?"

She said, "Err... Well, Cho told me that I wasn't allowed to talk to you."

**10 seconds later**

All right, then. That makes perfect sense.

"Jas, would you mind telling me WHY, exactly?"

"Well... She said that you were friends with Harry, who was trying to-"

"WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE?"

Oh, fantastic. Filch has come back and Jas just ran off. Before I could get her to tell me what Harry had done.

**5 seconds later**

Who was trying to what?

Go out with Cho?

Well everyone knows that…

**5 minutes later**

Now, back to the extremely interesting stack of books which I must now sort.

Oh the things I have to put up with.


	4. The Potions Exam

**Saturday, October 5****th**

**10.30pm**

Well, today was certainly interesting. Harry managed to get a dragon egg, and ended up tying equal first with Cedric Diggory. The french twitty-twat had her hair set on fire, and some bloke who looked like a scarier version of Sven managed to smash about fifty thousand of the eggs, but not get to any of them.

Tee hee.

**Monday, October 14**

**7.00pm**

Bloody hell, almost all of our exams are this week and we are all studying for our stupid Herbology exam, which is tomorrow. Hermione won't stop telling us off for not studying sooner but as I have many better things to do than study (i.e. anything), I have left it until tonight.

**1 hour later**

I swear, I am going to have to MURDER Lavender Brown. She has absolutely NO pride.

**30 seconds later**

At all.

**20 seconds later**

And that is _le_ fact.

**1 minute later**

She came dithering in and sat next to Dave. He looked up like a rather startled Gordy, and she then started rambling on about the party her stupid friend Romilda Vane was having on the weekend... At some place called the Hog's Head

**2 minutes later**

How lovely of her to ask me, or Hermione.

Anyway, so then Dave looked up at me, then looked back at her and said, "Er, I'll think about it and let you know."

I ask you, WHAT?

**2 minutes later**

If he says yes, I will be in a huff.

**5 minutes later**

And a half.

**1 minute later**

Maybe a quarter, too.

**2 minutes later**

SHUT UP BRAIN, I MUST STUDY!

**3 minutes later**

Actually, stupid Dave can go out with whoever he wants.

Even if it is stupid Lavender Brown.

**2 minutes later**

Well, they're both stupid. That's something they have in common.

**1 minute later**

They're as stupid as two stupid things on a stupid farm for the completely STUPID.

**30 seconds later**

Okay, now I really must focus.

**5 minutes later**

But really, whatever happened to, "I think she's a bit annoying", hmmmmm Dave?

**2 minutes later**

I will never understand boys.

**1 minutes later**

Much like this potions review.

**2 minutes later**

I certainly think I have done enough studying for tonight. I should probably retire to my sleeping quarters... I will need the rest to concentrate on my studies.

**Wednesday, October 16th**

**4.00pm**

I think am actually going to die due to overdose on schoolwork, and studying for that matter. If I have to write one more explanation on how some ridiculous spell works than I may kill myself.

**2 minutes later**

Or Owlie, if she doesn't stop tweeting at me.

**5 minutes later**

Oo-er! She has a letter!

**1 minute later**

Oh, this one's from my darling Mutti.

_Dear Georgia,_

_Hello! It's your mother, just checking in. _

_How have you been going at your new school? We all miss you terribly and are looking forward to seeing you when you come back for a few weeks at Christmas! We were considering going on another trip to the cottage in Scotland, but then I remembered you would probably prefer to spend that time with your friends._

_Libby asked me to tell you that Gordy is being a very bad boy because he ate your new pair of jeans. I assure you, I tried to fix them but once you see the jeans you will understand why nothing could be done. _

_much love, _

_Mum._

**30 seconds later**

MY POOR JEANS!

**2 minutes later**

Maybe I will hold a funeral for them... The poor things didn't deserve to die! They were too pretty! I can just imagine their little pockets being all mangled...

**1 minute later**

Hermione said, "Georgia, why on earth are you crying?"

I said, "My jeans! They... Gordy... H-he... H-he ate them!"

She looked at me for a moment and then said, "You're joking... Aren't you? I thought there was actually be a problem."

**2 minutes later**

Well... maybe she has a point.

**3 minutes later**

But still! They were on sale at Topshop for 50% off! That doesn't happen much!

**30 seconds later**

And by that I mean NEVER!

**1 minute later**

I told this to Hermione, but she just told me to shut up.

**Thursday, October 17th**

**9.30pm**

Once again, I am here, studying for yet another exam tomorrow. Although, it's the last one and I believe it is for... er...

**10 minutes later**

Potions!

**5 minutes later**

I wonder where my potions book has wandered off to this time? Last time I saw it was on Sunday, when Owlie was using it as a pillow.

**2 minutes later**

Bugger. It has officially vanished.

**15 minutes later**

Well I finally found the stupid thing after getting everyone to help me look. It ended up being under Hermione's bed...

**2 minutes later**

I wonder what it got up to there?

**1 minute later**

Oo-er. It was probably canoodling with Hermione's copy of "Advanced Magical Theory".

**3 minutes later**

Now I have found my book, I really must begin revising the instructions for brewing this bloody antidote for the exam – Snakey said he might poison one of us, just to see if our antidotes work...

**5 minutes later**

Ugh...

**10 minutes later**

This is all really rather tiring.

**2 minutes later**

Zzz...

**12.45am**

BUGGER!  
I FELL ASLEEP!

**1 minute later**

I should probably get upstairs, because the common room's empty. It's a bit freaky-deaky, if you ask me.

**30 seconds later**

"Georgia?"

Oh, I suppose this is my conscience.

**10 seconds later**

Then why on earth does my conscience sound like a guy?

**5 seconds later**

Maybe I am actually a man... Trapped inside the body of a woman. It would make sense, actually.

**10 seconds later**

Scratch that, I turned around and Dave the Laugh was there.

**30 seconds later**

I said, "Oh... er, I was just going off to bed."

Dave said, "Well then why are you standing in front of my dormitory stairs?"

"Pants, I really seem to have a problem with these stairs."

"Yeah."

"Anyway... Goodnight, Dave!"

I was just going to make a perfect getaway but then he said, "So what should I say to Lavender?"

WHY WOULD I CARE?

**10 seconds later**

WHY?

I said, "Oh, haha, you know, that's really up to you. I am not bothered at all by what you and that slag- er, I mean LAVENDER do in your... er... spare time."

Oh, fantastic, another attack of the stupid brain. I'm guessing he thinks I'm insane by the expression on his face.

"Anyway, I really must dash! See you tomorrow!"

So I ran off.

**5 minutes later**

Well, that went well.

**2 minutes later**

I am officially turning into Ellen. This is not good.

And also, to those of whom it may concern... I DO NOT CARE ABOUT DAVE THE LAUGH!

**1 minute later**

Not at all.

**2 minutes later**

Well, maybe a bit.

**4 minutes later**

But strictly in a matey-mate type way.

**1 minute later**

That is all.

**Friday, October 18th**

**7.30am**

Ugh... I can hear people talking. Owlie won't shut up.

**1 minute later**

I'll just go back to... Zzzzzzzz

**11.00am**

PANTS! I SLEPT IN AGAIN!

THE POTIONS EXAM IS IN HALF AN HOUR!

**15 minutes later**

**Running down the corridor**

Oh, no. I just ran past a mirror and it looks as if my hair has exploded.

**2 minutes later**

Yes! I'm not late! They're all lining up outside the classroom for the stupid exam.

**1 minute later**

Oh, there's Jas.

**2 minutes later**

I said, "Jas. I need to talk to you."

Jas said, "Now? B-but I'm worried since I haven't studied enough for the exam."

"... What about Cho?"

"Oh, she's gone off, er, somewhere."

"Where?"

"I don't know! Look I really need to study for this exam! I want to get a better grade then when I only got 87% in the german exam last year."

Honestly, she's as bad as Hermione!

**5 minutes later**

Why the hell isn't Hermione in Ravenclaw? They could dither on about exams together.

**2 minutes later**

PANTS! THE EXAM IS ABOUT TO START! I am definitely going to fail.

**5 minutes later**

All right, this book says _"To prepare the boil potion, add powdered snakes fangs and a handful of nettles and stir three times, counter-clockwise."_

**2 minutes later**

Okay, so far so good... Now I have to add in these disgusting looking slugs.

**4 minutes later**

Pants! It's gone green! WHY HAS IT GONE GREEN?

**1 minute later**

Perhaps if I just add this bowl of porcupine quills -

**2 minutes later**

AHHHHHHHH! The bloody cauldron exploded and the potion splashed all over my face!

**1 minute later**

Oh, well, reparo fixed the cauldron, and Snakey came over (glaring) and gave me a new set of ingredients... I'll start again.

**3 minutes later**

Wait, why does my face feel so strange?

**2 minutes later**

I looked around at Dave behind me, and for some reason he almost fell off his chair from laughing so much.

**1 minute later**

I turned next to me where Ron was sitting, but he just did the same thing.

**30 seconds later**

What on earth are they laughing about?

**1 minute later**

Where has my compact mirror gone? Maybe some of the potion got on my face... It was green, after all.

**30 seconds later**

Oh, my god.

OH MY GIDDY GOD'S TROUSERS.

MY FACE IS COVERED IN BOILS!

**1 minute later**

This CANNOT be happening! I look absolutely disgusting! AHHHH!

**10 seconds later**

My extremely detailed skin cleansing beauty regime has all been for nothing!

**2 minutes later**

What am I going to do?

**3 minutes later**

Oh, right... I could make the "Boil-Curing Potion" like the stupid exam wants me to.

**10 minutes later**

Okay, I've added the stupid snake fangs and the nettles, I stirred it, added the slugs and it hasn't turned green... Which is good.

**2 minutes later**

But what on earth are these stupid porcupine quills for? All they seem to do is make the cauldron explode.

**5 minutes later**

Maybe the book will know. Oh, here it says, _"After adding the Horned Slugs to the mixture, take the cauldron off the fire BEFORE adding the porcupine quills. Otherwise, they will cause the cauldron to explode and this unfinished solution has been known to cause a breakout of boils if it comes in contact with human skin."_

**1 minute later**

Well, really, if I'd known it was that simple... Silly book should've made it more obvious.

**5 minutes later**

Hurrah! My potion is finished and has cured my boils. I'm such a good student, I really don't understand why the teachers think otherwise.

I can now leave this exam knowing that I will not be murdered by my Vati when he gets my term report.

**25 minutes later**

I was about to drink a bit of my potion to get rid of the boils, but Hermione rather rudely insisted I had some of hers because mine might be dangerous...

**1 minute later**

Just because mine exploded the first time... Well, I'll drink her stupid one then.

**2 minutes later**

Tah-dah! No boils!

**Saturday, October 19th**

**9.00am**

Oo-er, today's our very first Hogsmeade trip for the year. Hogsmeade is some village near the school that is quite a hoot.

**10 minutes later**

Quite literally, for Owlie. I can hear her, she sounds vair excited.

**5 minutes later**

Oh, no, she's just got into another wrestling match with her bestest-pally Hedwig.

Or at least, they were friends yesterday. Now they're fighting for some scrap of... er... I actually don't know what it is.

**2 minutes later**

Great, it was my new scarf. I'm sure Angus would be extremely proud of dearest Owlie – she has certainly inherited some of his destructive tendencies... If that's possible.

**10.30am**

**Walking down to Hogsmeade**

I really wish Hermione would shut up about the exams. She's worrying that she might have only gotten 1 mark in a 2 point question, because she only spent 3 hours studying for it.

Honestly...

**2 minutes later**

I hope Jas comes – I still need to ask her about what she was saying in the library.

**5 minutes later**

ERLACK!

Dave the Laugh's talking to Lavender Brown again.

**1 minute later**

I believe I may hate her more than Wet Lindsay Boy.

**2 minutes later**

Actually, I hate her more than the real Wet Lindsay as well.

**3 minutes later**

Oo-er, we're just about to get into Hogsmeade! It's rather pretty, but also ridiculously small.

**2 minutes later**

And I mean that.

**10 minutes later**

Yes, there is actually nothing here.

**4 minutes later**

At all.

**20 minutes later**

Well, we've walked into some place called the Three Broomsticks. The name doesn't seem too fitting, since I can't see a broomstick anywhere.

Ron just ordered 4 "butterbeers", and yes, they do sound rather foul.

**5 minutes later**

Erlack! The butterbeer disgusting but barely alcoholic, which is a shame.

**2 minutes later**

Harry's playing with the goldy-Dragon egg he got for doing the first task. But, he's not allowed to open it again because last time he did it sounded a bit like Vati singing along to Agadoo... But somehow, even worse.

**30 minutes later**

Me and Hermione just walked past Lavender-Brown's-Friend's stupid party... It was in some seedy bar called "The Hog's Head".

**1 minute later**

And no, it did not compare (at all) to any of RoRo's parties back home.

**2 minutes later**

Dave the Laugh was there, like I was expecting...

**5 minutes later**

Although... I did tell him I didn't care if he went.

**3 minutes later**

But that didn't mean he should go.

**5 minutes later**

I must murder Lavender Brown when I have the chance.

**10 seconds later**

Not that I care what she and Dave do, of course.

**1.30pm**

Pants! I just saw Jas walking past! She was by herself.

**2 minutes later**

I said, "Hermione, I just saw a rather interesting looking wand polishing kit... I want to go and look at it! Wait there!"

But no, Hermione said, "Oh! Really? I would love to come and see it too, my wand is looking a bit on the unpolished side now that I think about it."

"NO! I mean, er, I'm planning to buy it for a friend... er... for Christmas... And you didn't hear that."

"Oh, oh, for me? I mean, yes, of course. You should definitely go and buy that for... someone!"

**30 seconds later**

Fantastic, now I'm going to have to find a wand polishing kit somewhere.

**2 minutes later**

Now where in the name of pants did Jazzy-Spazzy go off to?

**10 minutes later**

I think I just saw a fringey looking person walk into the alley up in front of Honeydukes...

**2 minutes later**

"JAS?"

Sure enough, Jas was walking through the alley, but she turned around.

**1 minute later**

I said, "What were you going to tell me about Cho?"

**30 seconds later**

"Oh! Well, she was saying the other day that since Harry is-"

"GEORGIA! GEORGIA!"

**5 seconds later**

What could she POSSIBLY want?

**10 seconds later**

She's dithering about and PANTing (hahahahahahahahahahahaha) at the speed of light. She said, "GEORGIA! GEORGIA! FORGET THE WAND POLISHING KIT!"

In the haste I forgot what she was talking about, "What wand polishing ki- Oh.. yes... okay never mind..." and ran off behind her.

**2 minutess later**

Hermione is still having a nervy b about something, but she had to stop running for a second.

I said slowly (and with maturiosity), "Please... would you just calm down? What is the matter with you?"

"JUST...JUST...COME WITH ME!"

Oh, for pants sake.

I said, "HERMIONE! I am a tad busy, are you SURE this can't wait for 5 minutes?" but she just shook her head and kept running.

We kept running until we were outside the Hog's Head... Where that pathetic party was on.

**30 seconds later**

Hermione said, "Georgia..." pant, "turn around!"

**1 minute later**

Right. I understand now. There was my darling Lavender, with dearest Dave...

**2 minutes later**

Snogging...

**30 seconds later**

So, I ran.


	5. Snakey and some stupid Mirror

**Hellooo :) Sorry I've taken oh so very long to finish this chapter... I suppose I haven't really been working on it as much as I should have. I'll try and get Chapter 6 out faster! x  
**

* * *

**15 minutes later**

Well, now that I have absolutely no idea where I am, I would think it's safe that I stop running around the streets of Hogswhatsit like a complete prat. I must say, I had a bit of a nervy spaz back there... I'm feeling slightly on the embarrassed side, actually.

Right, now where in the name of arse could I possibly be?

**2 minutes later**

Oh for the love of pants! I was just walking past this pathetic little cafe with confetti all over the place, and I saw stupid Cho Chang and that Cedric bloke snogging at one of the tables, which is just what I need... Why is it that everything that is good in my life must be spoiled by a stupid tart who has no pride?

Anyway, I thought Cho was supposed to be with Jas. Oh, no, I was going to talk to my supposed best friend Jas who was by herself for the first time in yonks when Hermione had to drag me off to see the extremely pathetic Lavender Brown with the one I will no longer speak of, er, yes... Where was I?

**4 minutes later**

Oh, for gods sake, think brain, think!

**5 minutes later**

Oh, right, Jas.

Now where is she?

**10 minutes later**

Right, well now I am officially lost. The alley I'm in is completely empty and there doesn't appear to have anything interesting in it, although it is a bit on the pingy-pongoes side.

I think I walked down the street at one end with Hermione before – gadzooks!

**20 seconds later**

I heard people talking behind me, so like the completely sensible and vair logical person that I am, (not) I ducked into some sort of alcove which was conveniently sitting right next to me.

Oo-er, it looks like one of the people is Mr Snakey! Maybe he has a little snakey friend who slithers about with him on little adventures!

... Shut up, Georgia. They might actually be talking about something interesting, although that would be highly unlikely as he is a teacher and therefore mad.

**10 seconds later**

Snakey's little friend looks rather angry. I think he's the Durm-something headmaster, I remembered seeing him at the opening feast. He said, "Severus! You know what this means, I know that you too were once-"

"Igor! Be quiet! We are not in the proper premises to discuss such a thing. There could be anyone listening! Don't you understand what precautions you are breaking? Dumbledore already has his suspicions, and he may start to ......"

**20 seconds later**

Blah, blah, blah... Just as I thought, nothing interesting to be heard here. Anyway, I must think about what I am going to do about the certain Hornmeister which I do not speak of. I mean, I suppose I could try the extreme-glaciousity approach with no contact at all, but since I did technically say I didn't care what he did with Lavender Sodding Brown, I can't exactly get all in the huff with him, as -

"but what of the Potter boy, Severus?"

Hey, I know him!

"...Is what the Death Eaters planned those many years ago still taking place in the graveyard?"

"IGOR! For goodness' sake I'm going to have to hex you if you don't stop discussing such serious matters!"

"But Severus -"

"No, that is enough, as I have said before, we will continue this meeting at a further time."

And then Snakey went slithering down the alleyway.

**10 minutes later**

All right, I think the coast is clear. Blimey, I have to tell someone about this! What on earth would these "Death Eaters" be planning to do with Harry in a graveyard?! Eat him or something?

Bloody hell, I really need to find Jas or someone. I guess now would be the time to commence my run-around-Hogsmeade-like-a-complete-prat fandango again.

**15 minutes later**

Oh, fantastic, who would I bump into other than Dave the bloody Laugh – er, I mean, "The One I Do Not Speak Of".

Since I only had a split second to make a decision, I went with the glaciousity approach I was contemplating before. It seemed to work, because he was following me.

"Georgia, you know... She sort of just jumped on me!"

So I turned around, (still oozing with sophisticosity), "Who jumped on you, Dave? I'm afraid I haven't the slightest idea what you're on about."

"Gee, come off it, everyone saw you trip over that house elf when you were running up the road."

"Oh... er..." I felt myself going an attractive shade of tomato. "Well, you see, I was actually running up that road because I was going to be late for my, um, herbology lesson."

"So that would be why you're on the other side of Hogsmeade?"

"Well,"

Ughhhhh think!

"As it happens, I had to come back because I realised I left my... er..."

What's something lying around?

"My rock! Yes, my rock... Which I am using to make a new type of, um, mandrake fertilizer."

Dave just raised an eyebrow.

**20 seconds later**

Oh, for god's sake.

What is the matter with me? I think I'm taking a turn to Dither city.

"Gee, you really are the worst liar I have ever met. Anyway, I'm sorry you had to see that."

Oh, for pants sake... I need to get out of here!

I said, "Yes all right, Dave, I must dash or I'm going to be late!" and ran off like a complete idiot.

**2 minutes later**

Wow, smooth Georgia.

Now, where was I?

**5 minutes later**

Oh, that's right... I had to find Hermione!

**4.00pm**

A ha! I can see her outside the Three Broomsticks!

**2 minutes later**

Or her hair, at least.

I ran up to her, yelling, "HERMIONE!"

She turned around, "Oh, hello Georgia. Gosh, you just ran off... We were ever so worried and I-"

"Yes, all right Hermione... Anyway, I need to talk to you about something."

Unfortunately she was with one of the blokes from Durmstrang... The one that played Quidditch, Vicky or something naff like that.

"Well Georgia, I'm currently preoccupied. Why do you need to talk to me?"

"Oh, you see... It's about that, er, wand polishing kit and I was just wondering if you could come and talk to me without, er, Vicky."

Vicky looked rather mad, grunting "Viktor!"

**10 seconds later**

Well, that's close enough.

I said, "Hermione! It's a tad urgent."

**3 minutes later**

Eventually we managed to get Vicky to go away for a second, then Hermione said, "So, what did you need to know about the wand polishing kit... Was it that you needed to take wand measurements or did you need to know the centre of the -"

"Hermione, I hate to tell you this but it isn't exactly about the wand polishing kit. It's a bit more important, you see, I, um, was sitting in an alleyway -"

"Why on earth were you doing that? You know that doesn't sound like a very safe idea! You could -"

"Hermione! Anyway, I saw Snakey, er, I mean... Snape, and the Durmstrang-Headmaster-Fellow talking in the alleyway, and they were talking about Harry!"

Hermione looked a bit confused (well, who could blame her), and said, "Well, do you know what they were talking about?"

**5 seconds later**

Hmm, that's a vair good question, it's a shame I have no idea...

**10 seconds later**

"Oh, right! It had something to do with eating I think."

"Well, maybe they were talking about what Harry was going to eat at the next feast which is in a few weeks. I do know that the house elves are planning something grand, which is quite horrible because did you know what kind of conditions they live in? It's quite awful actually. I'm actually part of, well, the only member of a club - "

**30 seconds later**

It's rather hard to pay attention to Hermione when she gets interested in something which is not interesting in the slightest. A bit like Jas, actually.

**2 minutes later**

Maybe they were just talking about some sort of feast... I suppose I was just being paranoid.

**3 minutes later**

But still, Snakey seemed a bit angry... And who gets so worked up about what was going to be served at dinner?

**20 seconds later**

Apart from Angus, that is.

**10 seconds later**

But since Snakey is not, unlike Angus, a cat, I'm not even going to go there.

**6.00pm**

**Great Hall**

Ugh, I think I am actually going to be driven insane! Dave keeps trying to get my attention by increasingly ridiculous ways. When he got to the point of throwing Ron's poor owl in my direction, I felt I had to make a stand.

I said (okay, well more like screamed, but do we need to be picky about things like this?), "DAVE! WHAT THE PANTS DO YOU WANT?!"

**10 seconds later**

He looked a bit taken aback, (well who could blame him) and I suddenly noticed that most of the Gryffindor table had gone silent, and they were all looking in my direction.

**30 seconds later**

Pants, everyone is still looking at me!

**2 minutes later**

I stood there, looking like a complete prat until McGonigal strode over to me and said, in a _tres _annoyed tone, "Miss Nicolson, if you have any issues which you need to discuss with Mr. Barnes, I feel that in the dining hall is not the best place to do so. Please sit down immediately."

**1 minute later**

Well, that wasn't half embarrassing. Bloody hell.

**20 minutes later**

After dinner, Hermione went off to the library with Vicky and Ron and Harry had quidditch practice. (So did Dave, but I'm not talking to him since he caused me to publicly embarrass myself, and I haven't actually forgiven him for the Lavender Brown incident, either.) So now I'm left to find my way back to the common room all on my owney.

**10 minutes later**

It wouldn't be so difficult, but the added problem of the stairs constantly moving does not make it easy.

**7.30pm**

After thinking (for the third time) that I had taken the right stair case, I'm now in this deserted room which doesn't appear to have anything in it apart from some stupid old mirror in one corner.

**5 minutes later**

It's quite a pretty mirror, actually. It has some old writing around the edges, and since I had the feeling my hair had gone a tad spazoid in my frustration, I walked over to it.

**2 minutes later**

What in Dumbledore's striped pyjamas?! This mirror must be broken, because instead of showing me normally (although with hair on the orangutan side), it is showing a stupid smiley me standing next to Dave, hand in hand.

**4 minutes later**

Perhaps the mirror is a magical one that shows something to make the person looking at it vair annoyed and even more frustrated than they were to begin with. I think I am actually starting to hate Hogwarts and all of the stupid magic.

I thought I would finally be able to find my way back to the sodding common room, but who happened to be standing in the door way but PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE?!

**30 seconds later**

This is just my luck.

Since I had to be polite, as he was a lot nicer than Slim had ever been, I said, "Oh, er, hello... Professor Dumbledore. I was just leaving."

He smiled down at me with his wizardy beard (which is superior to my Vati's own pathetic badger-chin) and said, "Oh, no, it's quite all right... Georgia, isn't it? Oh yes, who could forget your performance in the great hall tonight."

"Yes, er, about that... I think I got slightly carried away. You see I was quite angry and -"

"No matter, Miss Nicolson, I see you have stumbled across the Mirror of Erised."

**30 seconds later**

I sort of just stood there, I mean what was I supposed to say?

Eventually, I said, "Er, yes. I, um, got a bit lost."

"Yes," Dumbledore said, "the Mirror of Erised is quite a curious thing..."

Oh great, I've gotten him started now.

He continued, "You know, only the happiest man in the world would look in that mirror and see only himself."

**10 seconds later**

Why is this all seeming so familiar to me?

He said, "It was temporarily moved from the school after an incident with it when Harry Potter was in his first year. You may have read about it in Professor Rowling's novels, yes?"

Oh, that's right.

I said, "Wait, Professor, isn't the mirror the one that shows you, er..."

"Your heart's greatest desire, yes."

"WHAT? Oh, er, I mean, with most politeness, I most certainly did not see that, Professor Dumbledore."

He smiled this oh-so-wise smile, and said "Well Georgia, maybe it is just that you don't know what you want yourself."

**30 seconds later**

Yeah, that's unlikely.

Dumbledore said, "Miss Nicolson, I feel that it is getting rather late and it would be best if you went on to your dormitory. Best of luck with... achieving your heart's greatest desire." and he gave this stupid wink.

**2 minutes later**

What was that supposed to mean?

**10 minutes later**

I have the strangest feeling that he knows what I saw in the mirror.

**3 minutes later**

Erlack, I most certainly will not be repeating this incident to anyone, because quite frankly, the thought of going out with Dave the Laugh after all he has done repulses me.

**1 minute later**

Okay, only quite a bit, though.

**30 seconds later**

Well... Maybe not entirely.

**40 seconds later**

Oh shut up, brain!

**20 minutes later**

After I finally found my way back up to the Gryffindor tower, it turns out that no one else was in the common room yet.

**5 minutes later**

It appears even at school, everyone has some sort of life to lead except for me.

**2 minutes later**

I have almost reached the point of sadnosity that Bridget Jones reached in that film, when she sat at home singing Celine Dion or something while in her jimjams!

**30 seconds later**

Although, I like to think I have some sort of pride left.

**1 minute later**

I thought I would sit down and get some reading done.

Let's see... What is on Hermione's stack of books? Perhaps she will have something _tres interessant._

_"The Unjust Lives of House Elves : Exposed"_

Hmm, perhaps not.

_"The Basics of Wand Care"_

Does Hermione have anything worthy of reading?

_"One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi"_

Obviously not...

_"Hogwarts: A History, Volume II"_

Who would ever bother to read any of this?

_"Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them"_

...

_"25 Ways to Woo a Wizard"_

Now that's more like it!

**30 seconds later**

It looks a bit like Mutti's "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You" book that had some rather insane tactics for attracting boy kind... Maybe this will be similar.

**3 minutes later**

I was just starting to get into my book when an explosion came from the fireplace. I looked down and was rather startled to see that there was a man's face sitting there, in the fire.

Dropping the book, I said, "Er, hello... Is there any reason your head is sticking out of the fireplace?"

The fire-bloke looked up and said, "Oh dear, you're not Harry... Do you have any idea where he is at the moment?"

I said, "Well, I think he's at quidditch practice. Is there any reason you're here?"

"Yes! It's urgent, but I can't talk now... I'm in a cave. Anyway, tell him I stopped by!"

And with that, he vanished.

**10 minutes later**

It would have helped if he'd given me his name. Oh well.

**2 minutes later**

So, no sooner does fire-bloke vanish, but who else but dearest Lavender Brown flounces into the room.

Of course, being the stupid tart she is, she felt the need to talk to me, "Oh hiiiii Georgia... You haven't seen Davey around anywhere have you?"

Davey? You have got to be joking. How much more pathetic could this get?

"No, Lavender, I haven't. You could try the broom closet downstairs, though, it wouldn't surprise me if he was snogging someone in it."

She just stared blankly at me.

**1 minute later**

After several painful moments, I said, "Only joking, Lavender."

"Ohhhhhh... Hahahaha! You're funny, Georgia! Almost as funny as Dave! Anyway, um, like, if you see him... Well, tell him that I was like, looking for him. Uh... bye!"

**10 minutes later**

Honestly, if that girl gets any stupider she is going to have to start living down in the Owllery with Hedwig and Owlie.

**9.30**

I suppose it's time I go to bed, because since it doesn't seem like anyone will be coming back any time soon, I should be trying to get my beauty sleep.

**30 seconds later**

I put Hermione's book back (so much for learning some new boy-entrancing tips) and was about to walk upstairs, when for the thousandth time tonight, someone else burst into the common room.

It was Ron, with a very angry look on his face, with Harry trailing closely behind him, saying "Ron! Don't take it personally! The Slytherins like making fun of all the Gryffindors, and it could have been anyone that fell off their broom!"

Ron just glared at him and stormed upstairs.

**1 minute later**

I said, "Oh, hello Harry."

He said, "Hey, Georgia. Have you seen Dave anywhere? He wasn't at quidditch training so I assumed he'd be up here."

I rolled my eyes, "Well, you could try the broom closet..."

Harry just looked a bit confused. "What?"

"Oh, never mind. By the way, this bloke's head popped up in a fire asking to talk to you."

I think I'd confused him even more. He slowly said, "Who?"

I thought for a second. "He didnt tell me what his name was."

Harry said dismissively, "Oh, okay, it was probably just one of those people who wanted an interview about the whole Fourth-Triwizard-Champion thing. Anyway, I'm going to try talking to Ron again" and he walked upstairs.

**5 minutes later**

Dave came upstairs, with a pair of antlers this time. It was rather funny, since he didnt see me and tripped over Hermione's stack of books _(which was about fourty metres tall) _and fell right next to me. He looked up, antlers and all, and said, "Oh... Hi... Georgia, I've just been trying out Fred and George's new products. As you can see, there's a lot of fine tuning to do."

I think he realised he was lying upside down on the couch, because he jumped off it and then said, _(while I was ignoring him with sophisticosity) _"Georgia."

Yawning, I said, "Yes, Dave..."

"I know you're in the huff with me."

"Dave! I already told you, I don't care!"

"Well you obviously are in the huff, Kittykat."

"Don't call me that! And fine, I am in the huff with you and you should go away."

But no, he just went and sat in the arm chair across from me.

**1 minute later**

I must say, the antlers quite suit him. Anyway, I picked up Hermione's book and TRIED to keep reading it, while ignoring him with much glaciosity.

**2 minutes later**

He's still looking at me like, a, um, looking thing. It's getting vair annoying and I wish he would stop.

"Dave, I am trying to read, here."

"What, a potions manual upside down?"

Oh, pants... I'd picked up the wrong book.

**30 seconds later**

Instead of bothering to think of a witty reply _(which I could have easily done, had I wanted to)_ I simply stood up and started walking towards the girls staircase...

**10 seconds later**

... And tripped on the enormous stack of books.

**20 seconds later**

When I stood up, Dave was standing right in front of me with his bloody antlers, and I must have fallen on him or something because then he tried to snog me.

**5 seconds later**

I jumped back, and by now I was getting rather mad and so I yelled, "Dave! You can't just stand there and try to snog me whenever you feel like it!"

He looked a bit angry too, actually, he said, "For gods sake, Georgia! Isn't that what you want?"

I said, "Well, er, no..."

Then he said, "What are you trying to do to me? First you flip out when you see me snogging Lavender after YOU had already told me to bugger off last time I tried to tell you how I felt about you, and then you expect me to be the one apologising?!"

Oh, God... He looked really angry now, actually. I didn't know what to say, either. He seemed to have plenty to say, though, because he started yelling at me again.

"Georgia, you can never make up your mind, first it was you using me to get your Sex God, then when he went off to Kiwi-a-go-go Land, I gave you all that friendly advice and even helped you to get another boyfriend, but how did that work out? He dumped you for Wet Lindsay, didn't he?"

That was a bit uncalled for, I said, "What does that have to do with anything, Dave?"

"Oh, well let's see... Have you noticed that I've been here all along, trying to tell you all this time but now I'm tired of waiting around for you, Gee! "

I sort of squeeked, since I was actually speechless, "Um, what were you trying to, er... tell me?"

He just looked at me, shaking his head, and said, "You just don't get it, do you?"

Then he walked upstairs.

**10 minutes later**

Oh, pants.


	6. Top Ten Reasons I Hate Dave the Laugh

**Saturday, October 26th**

**12.45 pm**

It's been an entire week since Dave and I had that screaming session... or rather he screamed at me. Anyway, he hasn't spoken to me all week, either. Whenever I've tried approaching him about it, he just walks away or avoids me - it's awful! Everyone knows something's up, but I couldn't bring myself to tell Hermione about it when she tried talking to me this morning... Why is it that no matter what I do, I always end up wrecking everything?

**2 minutes later**

Saturday's the day everyone goes down to Hogsmeade, but I just can't bring myself to go down there with everyone. I'd much rather stay up here and wallow in self pity in my chamber of pain.

**30 seconds later**

I told Hermione this, but she just looked at me and said I should stop making so many excuses and get dressed.

**2 minutes later**

Well it's all fine for her, isn't it? She has her beloved Vicky. I have no one, for I am all aloney and very much on my own. Besides, she doesn't understand what happened! I'm not actually sure that I do, either...

**30 seconds later**

Should I tell her about it? She is slightly (well, very much so) on the nerdy side, so she might have some word of advice from some sort of book.

I said, "Hermione?"

She looked a bit startled, and said, "Georgia, what's wrong? You look serious for the first time since I've met you!"

**10 seconds later**

That's a bit exaggerated! I can be completely serious when the time calls for it, it's just that there has never been a time in my life that I have needed to be serious.

I said, "Oh, well, you might have noticed that Dave the Laugh has been -"

"Georgia, he has looked almost as sad as I was when I lost my ancient runes textbook, and actually we're all quite worried."

"Er, yes, well I might have had something to do with that..."

**10 minutes later**

I started blubbing on about how he had antlers and I fell over her stack of books, and when I told her everything that Dave had said to me, Hermione looked quite taken aback.

**30 seconds later**

After sitting there for awhile, she looked up and said, "Well, quite frankly... I have no idea what to do, it's not in anything I've read lately."

**10 seconds later**

Oh wow, how helpful.

**3 minutes later**

Hermione said, "You know, if you want, we could go and ask Lavender Brown about -"

"NO!!!"

"Yes, I see your point."

**5 minutes later**

I am still refusing to leave our dormitory, so Hermione's gone downstairs to meet Ron and Harry to go to Hogsmeade, they seemed to be planning something anyway so I didn't want to go with them.

**30 seconds later**

And that is the only reason I am not going, so I do not disturb their privacy...

**1.30 pm**

I am so ridiculously bored I would rather be with Jas'n'Tom on one of their nature rambles than sit around in the dorm all by myself.

**2 minutes later**

And the sad thing about that is that I am not kidding.

**15 minutes later**

I think I will venture downstairs to see if there were any more of Hermione's books lying around.

**30 seconds later**

But first this calls for emergency lip gloss application... For who knows who might be there!

**5 minutes later**

So, of course I walked down the stairs, only to have a small explosion come down from above the door... They were these stupid fireworks that Ron's brothers were trying to sell the first years last night!

**10 seconds later**

I looked up to see who else but Dave the Laugh, sitting on a broomstick right above the doorway, except when he looked down and realised it was me, he just flew out the door without even looking back.

**20 seconds later**

I ran out to the hall, and heard a loud crashing noise, followed by, "MR BARNES! YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO RIDE BROOMSTICKS WHEN INSIDE THE CASTLE! I WILL BE SEEING YOU IN DETENTION ON MONDAY, AFTER TRANSFIGURATION!"

**1 minute later**

Tehe.

**3.00pm**

After lounging around for another hour or so, I have decided that the best thing to do with my Saturday is to go and find Jas...

**20 minutes later**

**The School Grounds**

I just had an unfortunate encounter with Hagrid, who although is not as bad as good old Elvis Atwood, he tried to offer me these biscuits which resembled rocks, before his dog (who is a bit like whelk-boy on the saliva factor) almost jumped on top of me and covered me in about 10 litres of spit.

**5 minutes later**

Ah, it is so loverly to be outside in the fresh breeze... There are birds chirping like, er, a chirping thing, the sun is shining (sort of) and... I can see Jas down by the lake - How unpredictable! *cough*

**2 minutes later**

"Jazzy Spazzy!"

She turned around, "Oh! Gee, hi! I was just taking some samples of the soil, here... It's very interesting, because -"

"Jas."

Well, at least she seems to be back to normal.

"Yes?"

"You do know that I am normal, and therefore I have no interest in the quality of the sodding dirt."

"I know, but... Well," and her voice sort of trailed off.

I said, "Jas, I really need to talk to you."

She looked a bit hesitant, "But, I'm in the middle of collecting these samples and -"

"JAS."

"Fine, but only if we can stop by the greenhouse so I can check how my Mandrake is going, you know the other day this nice boy in Gryffindor called Neville helped me to -"

"Jas..."

"Oh, right. Okay."

**25 minutes later**

After twenty years of waiting for Jas to finish saying goodbye to her mandrake, we went and sat down inside, since I was not prepared to have another encounter with Hagrid's whelk dog.

Jas said, "Now what on earth do you want?"

I waited for a second, thinking she would probably go on for another century about her mandrake, but she actually seemed to be all-ears and vair much on the concentration side (!!!).

"Well, I would just like to know why it is that you have been ignorez-vousing me ever since we have been at Hogwarts."

"Oh, right... That's a long story, actually. Basically, I had to help Cho out because she was all worried, since her boyfriend Cedric is in the tournament, you know, with Harry, and, well..."

"Spit it out, Jas."

"I don't know, she just told me not to talk to you because apparently you were trying to steal Cedric away from her."

I just looked at her.

"And that is why you have not been talking to me."

"Well, it was hard, because she's my transfiguration partner, and I always have to go places with her and well... I don't know. It was only when I was around her."

"So that was the only reason?"

"Well, no..."

I sighed, "Jas, what was the other reason, then?"

"I can't really remember..."

**20 seconds later**

I'm positive it had something to do with one of my friends... But I can't think of who, it's all very confusing. It was something to do with hair, maybe. Or... something Hairy?

"HARRY!"

Jas looked a bit startled, "What?"

"You said that she didn't let me talk to you because I was friends with Harry!"

"Oh, right... That was because he was Ceddy - er, Cedric's opponent, and she didn't want me to interfere with his success or something."

**30 seconds later**

I do not believe this. I actually thought something interesting might be happening to me for once in my life, but of course it is only because of stupid Cho who is quite a twit of the first water, by the way.

But, I don't even care. I will ask her about something which is more interesting and concerning in my life, and since she is my bestest pally, she will give me tip-top bestie advice.

I said, "Jas."

She looked up from her copy of Herbologist Weekly, and said, "What is it now, Georgia? I'm trying to read this article about Mandrake care!"

I sighed, "Well, Jas, amazingly, I have to talk to you about someone."

She rolled her eyes and said, "Let me guess, Dave the Laugh."

"Well, yes, I-"

"Let's see, you had a fight with him because he was sick of you acting so ridiculously and now you don't know what to do since you secretly lurrrve him?"

WHAT?! That is most certainly not true!

**10 seconds later**

I said this to Jas, but she just sighed, put down her copy of Herbology Weekly and said, "Georgia, the sooner that you realise that you lurrrve him, the better."

"But, Jas!"

"No, and to be honest I think you've been rather awful to him and that you should be the one apologising."

Oh, right, yes, okay, because I certainly hadn't thought of that. "Well, since you know everything about my very personal and private life, what do you suggest I do?!"

She pondered for a second, and said, "Well, Tom and me have never really had a big fight, but they seem to have ended pretty quickly after the exchange of Midget Gems, speaking of which-"

"Jas, do you really think that me giving Dave a packet of Midget Gems is going to solve this?"

She sighed in a_ 'Oh, I'm so full of wisdom, like all the owl soft toys of which I collect in size order_'-type way and then said, "Well, no, Georgia. What I'm saying is that you need to think outside the box."

"Er, what?"

"Well, you need to think of something that will show you really are sorry."

"THEN WHAT SHOULD I DO?"

"That is up to you to decide, Gee. I cannot do it for you, because then it would mean you weren't sorry."

**20 seconds later**

Oh, great, that's so helpful. Tell me something I don't know.

Then, she said, "Now, I'm really sorry Gee, but I actually do have to go, because I was just reading an article about the properties of magical soil around the lake, here at Hogwarts and I really want to -"

"Yes, all right Jas. Just go."

**25 minutes later**

Well, so much for any help.

**3 minutes later**

What does she mean "Show that you are really sorry"?

**5 minutes later**

I've already apologised!

**10 minutes later**

Well, actually, I haven't, but what do I have to say sorry for, anyway? He was the one that went absolutely ballisticissimus in the first place, I have done nothing wrong.

**30 minutes later**

Whatever, I am completely sick of talking about it, and am going to stay in the library and finish my transfiguration assignment like the hardworking and studious student that I am,.

**20 minutes later**

All right... It seems to be finished. I'm sure that if I ever needed to turn a teapot into a rat, I would do a tip-top job at it. And, since I unfortunately share my main living quarters with Libby, the need to do so is not as unlikely as it may seem.

**Monday, 28th October**

**8.10am**

Bugger! Bugger! I've overslept AGAIN. That explains why I had a particularly irritating dream in which Hermione was screaming "GEORGIA! You have to get up!" and something was hitting me...

**2 minutes later**

I somehow managed to get dressed in a couple of minutes, and there was no time for hair. I sprinted (well, fell) down the stairs, then realised I'd forgotten to do something vair, vair important... What was it?!

**10 seconds later**

Aha! I was writing a list of reasons I hate Dave the Laugh... I think I left it upstairs!

**2 minutes later**

There we go, I have thrown it in the fireplace so that no one will ever see it. Ever.

Now - to breakfast!

**8.35am**

Ron and Hermione looked quite bewildered when I fell down next to them at the table, and Harry said, "Um, Georgia... Perhaps you need to check your hair?"

Hermione said, "No need," and pointed her wand towards my hair, saying, "Hairus Calmdownus."

**10 seconds later**

It seemed to work. I must remember that one next time the beloved Orangutan Gene rears the ugly head.

**1.45 pm**

**Lunch**

Today, Harry, Ron, Hermione and me were just sitting under one of the Willow trees (not the Whomping Willow, thank Merlin), and Harry kept opening the egg he got at the Triwatsit tournament, and then it was rather strange... Ceddy came up to him and said, "Harry, I think that you should go to the prefect's bathroom late tonight. Bring the egg, too."

**2 minutes later**

I think it is quite sufficient to say I am mildly disturbed and also quite terrified.

**10 minutes later**

I feel there is nothing I need to say.

**5 minutes later**

The scary thing is Hermione thinks it may be a good idea to go...

**3 minutes later**

Thank god the lunch break is over. It was with joy that I bounded off to the torture which is double Transfiguration.

**20 seconds later**

My god.. I sound like I've come straight out of one of Libby's Heidi books.

**2.10pm**

**Transfiguration**

It is rather strange, McGonigal is 10 minutes late for class, and there is a ginger cat sitting on her front desk.

**30 seconds later**

Dave walked in and said, "Well, thank God that that old bat is late for once - I'll have some time to finish this stupid assignment!"

**10 seconds later**

The cat suddenly transformed into a completely furious-looking Professor McGonigal.

Ron actually fell of his chair from laughing.

**5 minutes later**

Basically what was said between Dave and McGonigal means that he is in detention for the rest of his life (or at least until the end of the week).

McGonigal said, "Right, now anyone that has actually completed their assignment unlike Mr Barnes, please place them in the corner of your desk so I may collect them."

Yes, well done Georgia! I finished my assignment like a good student. Unlike Dave.

**10 seconds later**

Ha ha ha... OH MY GOD.

**5 seconds later**

I just realised that I just gave McGonigal MY LIST ABOUT DAVE THE LAUGH.

**2 minutes later**

I must have thrown my_ assignment_ into the fire this morning! PANTS!!!

**1 minute later**

Oh my giddy-giddy-giddy god's trousers... What in the name of arse am I going to do?!

I have to get that list back!!!

**2 minutes later**

I said, "PSST... Hermione!"

She looked rather annoyed, but whispered back, "What is it? I'm trying to take down these notes!"

"I accidentally gave McGonigal the wrong... er, assignment! What should I do?"

She said, "Just go up to her and explain what you did..."

**20 seconds later**

If only Hermione knew why I couldn't do that. Ughhhh, what am I going to do?!

**10 minutes later**

Bugger, bugger, bugger! McGonigal is starting to read the assignments.

**30 seconds later**

She's reading Hermione's at the moment, so maybe she won't get to it this lesson, and I can somehow get it back before next class.

**20 minutes later**

She's up to what looks like the 32nd page of Hermione's paper... I don't have much time now!

**3 minutes later**

Maybe I can try and summon it... I think there's something about it in our charms book

**5 minutes later**

Yes! I found it!

_**The accio charm is used to summon various objects, and can be performed to a maximum distance of 2 kilometres away from the object. The incantation for the accio charm is "Accio ......" in which the name of the object you want to is said afterwards, while flicking (then elaborately swishing) your wand.**_

Worth a try.

I whispered, "ACCIO, er, LIST!"

**5 seconds later**

Oh, PANTS.

Instead of getting my list, I just made it fall out of the pile and onto the floor... right in front of her desk!

McGonigal stood and picked it up, looked at me and asked, "Miss Nicolson, is this your list?"

I said, "Er, no..."

She said, "Well, I'm sure that you won't object to me reading it to the class, then."

I said _(well, screamed)_ "NO!"

But, the stupid old bat decided to anyway.

"Ahem, the Top Ten Reasons I Hate Dave the Laugh."

**5 seconds later**

Dave turned and looked at me in a "I'm going to look angry but really I'm amused" sort of way... I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

**15 minutes later**

The nub and gist of what just happened was that I, being the genius that I am, jumped **over **my desk, grabbed the list off McGonigal and sprinted like a complete madwoman out of the classroom.

I am now sitting in McGonigal's office, with promises of detention for the next week.

**2 minutes later**

With Dave the Laugh.

**30 seconds later**

Because my life could not get any better.

**2 minutes later**

At least Ron got detention too, for falling off his chair and being "disruptive".

**10 minutes later**

I must destroy this woman.

**2 minutes later**

Hermione threw me a note (!) which said, _"Honestly, Georgia. I must say, I do feel sorry for you. Why didn't you use that self-erasing ink charm we learned the other day?"_

Oh, shut up, Hermione. Now is no time for spells.

**30 minutes later**

Oh, fantastique... The bell has gone and now I must wait to find out what is in store for me this evening.

**5 minutes later**

McGonigal said, "Now, as part of your detention, you three will be accompanying Professor Filch to clean the owllery."

**2 minutes later**

Oh, wow. I can barely contain my excitement.

**30 seconds later**

Not.

**9.30pm**

Right. Well I've come back stinking like Owlie (who deserves to be shot for the amount of times she has tweeted at me in the past couple of hours) and am now going to bed. None of this hanging about in the common room. Oh, no.

Good NIGHT.

* * *

**Hello! I'm sorry, I know it was a bit of a filler chapter... But I promise that the next one will be more interesting!**


	7. Shut up, Neville

CHAPTER 7

A FEW NOTES:

HELLO TO ANYONE READING THIS! I recently got a lovely review from Dave'n'Gee4Eva who inspired me enough to continue this fic. Even though 15-year-old me was a dreadful writer, I've gone back and edited bits and pieces so it's a more readable...

ALSO, I was stupid and got the dates of it two months off, so to avoid confusion (rather than going back and editing every single time there was a date) I'm going to skip forward two months... But keep in mind that it's actually only a couple of days after.

* * *

**Monday, December 1st 6.30 am**

I woke up with a start this morning... I suppose this is because I have grown so accustomed to having Dave burst into my room with another bloody trick up his sleeve (or in that one case his trousers... oo-er) but no, I just fell out of my bed and looked up with my blanket in a tangle to find nothing there. Buggering bugger buggerer pants.

**10 seconds later**

I feel a bit, well, terrible. It's been almost two weeks now and he just won't talk to me. Hermione has been looking over me a while, concerned. She does not realise that I am on the rack of luuurve and therefore cannot be saved.

**2 seconds later**

Ever.

**1 minute later**

TWATTING PANTS BUGGER I DID NOT AT ALL MEAN IT LIKE THAT, WHY I SAID RACK OF LUUURVE IS COMPLETELY BEYOND ME AS IT IS DAVE THE LAUGH, WHOM I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT LOVE. AT ALL. Ahem.

**30 seconds later**

Hermione stood over me for awhile looking slightly bewildered. Then, she slowly said...

"Um, Georgia, you do realise we have the Yule Ball dancing classes today?"

**15 seconds later**

I actually, physically and most literally jumped up a metre in the air.

**30 minutes later, lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing**

Oh Georgia, when will you learn that jumping with fright without thinking usually causes you to do something_vraiment__intelligent_ such as hitting your head on a doorpost?

Hermione said, "Georgia, you really do astound me sometimes."

**2 minutes later**

Why is Hermione here with me, and where is my so called "bestest pally" Jas?

**30 seconds later**

I asked Hermione this, she just looked at me a bit awkwardly and said, "Well, maybe it's because, er, I'm possibly your new bestest pal as you so call it?"

She has a point.

**2 minutes later**

She's a lot nicer, actually. Gives good advice, too...

**1 hour later**

After breakfast, Hermione came back up to the hospital wing with Ron (oo-er!) to visit me. She said, "Georgia, Owlie brought you a letter this morning! I think it might be from your Mutti, as you call her." and continued on about questioning my "fascinating german heritage" before she finally gave it to me;

_Dearest Gee-Gee,_

_How are you, my darling? I hope everything is going well! We are all missing you terribly, and we can't wait to see you in two weeks! I must say, Owlie is such a darling, he always seems to pop up when I feel like writing you a letter! I gather from your last letter that you still need to put a bit more of a focus on your studies, but that is okay – I actually received a letter from Professor Dumbledore last week who said he believes you were settling in very well with a few old friends by your side. Anyway, I have enclosed 50 squid for you to buy a dress for your Ball! You'd better take lots of photos, Georgie!_

_Much love,_

_Mutti x_

**5 minutes later**

50 quid, phwoar!

**10 am**

One hour later, bloody Hermione managed to convince Madam Pomfrey that I was not afflicted with anything life threatening and was perfectly able to accompany her to the dancing classes.

**2 minutes later**

EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO MAKE UP ON TO SPEAK OF.

Why doesn't she understand that I would rather die than go without mascara?

**1 minute later**

Actually, I'm not so sure about that. I would rather have dragon pox, though...

**5 minutes later**

Er, no, I probably wouldn't. After all, I have seen a few pictures in the Herbology textbook and they were, to be frank, _tres_ revolting and grotesque_._

**10.20am, Great Hall**

Wow, this is a tad awkward. Boykind and us girlie folk have been separated on different sides of the room. Professor McGonagall is rambling on about how the Yule Ball "has been part of Hogwarts history since the beginning of the Triwizard tournament, symbolising the unity between different wizarding academies..."

**2 minutes later**  
Dave looks really gorgey today. His hair's all ruffled and nice looking...

**30 seconds later**  
PANTS, he just caught me looking at him! Do something to make it obvious you weren't looking at him, Georgia!

**2 seconds later**  
I may come to regret this. Oh well.  
I put on a big cheesy grin and whispered (well, yelled)  
"HEY... ER..."  
Who's around him that I know?

**10 seconds later**  
"Neville..."  
He looked up at me like a looking-looker thing, actually, he looked up and me like I was some sort of serial killer bloke, except, you know, not a bloke, and, well, the moral of the story is, he just fell off his chair. I could've picked anyone to embarrass, but no.

**30 seconds later**

Why isn't McGonagall talking anymore?

**2 seconds later**

Everyone is looking at me. Why is everyone looking at me?

**5 minutes later, being escorted out of the hall by Professor Sprout**

"Georgia Nicolson, why is it that whenever there is any hint of trouble in class it always seems to be because of you?"

To be fair, Neville and Dave got pulled out for causing a disruption as well.

**10 seconds later**

I'm getting a tad sick of this process. Sprouty Sprout turned around and, wait for it:

"Actually, I have a fantastic idea. Instead of sorting through the library archives, you three will be helping me track all of Hagrid's blast ended skrewts which have escaped into the outskirts of the Dark Forest. Tonight."

**2 seconds later**

Neville yelped, and Dave turned and glared at me.

**10 seconds later**

And it wasn't in a nice way, either, mind you...

**20 seconds later**

It was in an "I am going to kill you. Except that I don't care enough about you to bother with killing you, so I will just sit here looking attractive instead." way, too.

**15 minutes later**

Well, maybe not. I think it was more of a "I hate you Georgia Nicolson and want to break your face," kind of looky look. But, I am not going to read too far into this because as Hermione says, "There are more important things in life, like studying for exams."

**30 seconds later**

My ability to use irony is truly hilarious.

**2 minutes later**

Hardy har har! This little study session I have going on here really isn't working out. I think I will preoccupy myself with something else.

**30 seconds later**

Like separating my eyelashes with a needle in order to make them more standy-outty and just generally sophisticated.

**5 minutes later**

Ouch! Buggering tit arse buggery bugger! After almost removing an eye, I think I will perhaps stick to mascara when trying to fill my eyes with an air of maturiosity and general sexiness.

**5 pm, Dinner**

Hermione was telling me about what I missed out on in the dancing lesson (including a moment of much hilariousness when McGonagall chose Ron to be her dance partner, making him touch her waist and everything - oo-er!) when Harry came storming into the hall, and plonked down next to Ron in a strop.

He said, "Ron, Hermione, common room now."

**10 seconds later**

Oh yes, that's fine, just leave me to sit with Dave and Neville. Because I don't mind, and am the kind of person who just loves being put into situations full of awkwardnosity.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

**1 minute later**

In an attempt to cut the tension with scissors, or something, I said, "Er, so, Neville... have you, um, grown any interesting plants lately?"

Neville chirped, "Oh, well Georgia, it's interesting you should ask that, because I actually got sent a most fascinating plant in the mail from my great uncle, Algie... I've got it right here, actually."

**30 seconds later**

After fumbling for what seemed like 5 years with his bag strap, Neville unveiled a pot plant which quite resembled a pile of lurkers... Except more revolting.

He continued, "This is a Mimbulus Mimbletonia! They're really rare, you know."

After he got no reaction except blank stares from Dave and myself, he went on,

"In fact, they can do a really interesting little trick! I've read about them before in 'One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi', and apparently the result of activating their defence mechanism is a calming of the nerves! Just fascinating!"

**1 minute later**

Neville fiddled with the plant for awhile, then set it down on the table and got a pin out of his bag. "Now, if I poke the Mimbulus like this..."

**30 seconds later**

Neville poked his sodding lurker plant. And it exploded. All over my robes, and newly washed hair.

**5 minutes later**

While wiping off the most revolting liquid I have ever come into contact with - and yes, that does include the vomit of my darling Angus- Neville said, "Don't worry, the stinksap is perfectly harmless! It just serves as a natural-"

"Neville." Dave said, for the first time in awhile, "Shut your pants before I cover you with more stinksap."

Erlack!

**1 hour later**

After 3 showers, I seem to have finally ridden myself of the beautiful smelling stinksap, which can only be compared to that of rancid poo.

**7.50pm**

Pants! I was meant to be down by the staffroom five minutes ago!

**10 minutes later**

Run run, pant pant, after taking the wrong route down 3 moving staircases, I am finally around the corner from the staffroom! SUCCESS!

**30 seconds later**

I was quite literally stopped in my tracks by almost crashing into Professor Moody, who was turning the corner at the same time I was;

"MISS NICOLSON, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING OUT OF BED?", He yelled like a yelling yeller thing, as he took a swig from whatever in the world was in his flask.

**10 seconds later**

A swig. From his flask. Ha, ha, ha!

**15 seconds later**

Oh, right, he is still staring at you, Georgia.

"I, er, was on my way to a detention with Professor Sprout, Mr Mad E- erm, I mean, Professor M-Moody!"

**10 seconds later**

Yes, the words got out eventually. But it was a hard moment back there, I didn't think I would survive...

Mad Face hobbled away, but after about 20 seconds he shouted, "NICOLSON! ON YOUR WAY!" without even looking at me!

**20 seconds later**

Pants! How did he do that? Oh, right, he has a Mad Eye. Or something.

**1 minute later**

I screeched to a halt in front of Professor Sprout and the boys (oo-er), panting, "PROFESSOR... I'M... HERE..."

Sighing at me vis a vis the air of defeat, she led us down towards the grounds.

**2 minutes later**

Pants! It's bloody freezing out here!

As if reading my mind, which to be honest would certainly not surprise me, Professor Sprout said, "Perhaps, Miss Nicolson, a mini-skirt was not the most appropriate form of attire for this occasion."

**30 seconds later**

Yes, well, at least I'm not wearing a sodding pointed hat. I will tackle the beast ended boots with muchos stylos fabulositos! That is, of course, italian for "in a gorgeous and sophisticositic manner."

**5 minutes later**

This is actually ridiculous; my botty is about to freeze itself off. Oh well, nearly there. I said to Dave in an effort to break the tensions, "So, planning on asking Lav-Lav to the Yule Ball? I don't know why I haven't gotten an invitation to your wedding, yet! Will you be hiring the singing voles?"

**30 seconds later**

Phwoar! I have never received a look so angry as the one Dave just gave me! Fine, if he won't make polite conversation with me, I will just give him the silent treatment.

**5 minutes later**

We are now pretty far into the forest! If I didn't have more sense, I would find the whole experience a little bit freaky-deaky.

**2 minutes later**

Well, actually, I just heard a noise similar to that of a dying Angus, so it is sufficient to say that I am indeed quite scared, now.

**5 minutes later**

I found a skrewt! He was kind of cute, apart from the fact that I could've been looking at his bum, not his face. Whatever. It is all the same.

**30 seconds later**

Sort of.

**10 seconds later**

Not really, actually.

**10 minutes later**

After throwing the third skrewt into Sprouty's little enclosure, I noticed Dave was glaring at me. Again.

**30 seconds later**

An owl came flying towards us, and dropped a note at Sprouty's feet.

**10 seconds later**

She looked up at us, and said, "I just have to go and fetch the skrewt feed from over at Hagrid's hut," turned to Neville and went on, "Mr. Longbottom, I trust you will watch over these two. Make sure they don't kill each other, will you?"

For pant's sake. That was completely unfair of the highest water.

**2 minutes later**

Dave is still being all stroppy and acting as if I don't exist. This is ridiculous, as clearly I do and am smiling at him, trying to be all diplomatic and the like!

**30 seconds later**

Why is he allowed to be in a strop? He's the one that lost his temper at me for no reason.

**1 minute later**

Fine, if that is how he is going to play it, then I will play that game with him. Oo-er.

**10 seconds later**

Seriously, though.

**30 seconds later**

I paced towards Dave, "So, Davey Dearest, are you going to tell me what all of those deathly stares were for? Have you perhaps got the painters in?"  
Turning around abruptly, he almost (well, actually) shouted, "What? Are you really serious, Georgia? You are asking _me_ why I am angry with _you_?"

Neville tried to butt in, "Er, Dave, G-Georgia, p-perhaps you shouldn't-" but, Dave went on,

"Have you ever tried actually taking a long hard look at yourself? Oh, of course not! Because you are too busy parading around acting as life is one huge game and the feelings of everyone else don't matter!"

That was just too far! I said, "Dave! Don't you talk to me like tha-"

"No, Georgia, I will talk to you however I want to because I'm not finished! I know, I know, it must be hard enough for you to understand that other people have feelings. It must also be hard for you to see that I really couldn't care less about you anymore! Forgive me for moving on, but I'd rather be spending time on someone who will actually treat me like a human being!"

**10 seconds later**

I can say for the first time in my _entire_ life, I couldn't think of anything to say. He kept going,

"Yes, Georgia! I really liked you, I really did. Everyone kept telling me, 'forget about her, she doesn't take anything seriously, there's no point!' but for some reason, I just couldn't stop myself. But now I am, so congratulations. Ever wondered why Jas stopped hanging out with you so much, Georgie? Ever thought about that? In fact, have you ever thought about anyone but yourself at all? Anyway, you have lost the last person that put up with all of your rubbish. I hope you're happy."

And he stormed off into the night. Just like that.

**30 seconds later**

Although the dramatic effect was downplayed a bit when he tripped over the tree root. Still, though.

**4 minutes later**

Neville said, "If it's any consolation, I think he does like you."

"Shut up, Neville."


End file.
